I've been diagonosed with depression? Does this sound familar

[flipchart]

.....and do you think I will become myself again.

I am very happy married, we are a close family (boys 18 and 14) we do a lot together. I work shifts in a job that I really like. No worries.
So what the hell have I got to be down about?

I always loved my days off mid week. It meant that I could go to Manchester when it was quieter, go walking, get the train and have a day out. I was always doing something.
I've always been a gym bunny, even immediately after the boys were born I got my weight back down and I loved taking care of my appearance. I liked fashionable clothes, getting my make up and hair down.
I've loads of hobbies and interests.

About 12 months I didn't really notice at first but on my days off I did nothing - well emptied the dishwasher, did a load of washing but sat in. I couldn't be arsed going out. Then it happened again and again.

I used my rota to cancel nights out with friends and didn't enjoy their company as much any more.
All I can think is 'what is the point?' I have no drive, no go, no motivation.

I am still happy at work and can get up and do my job. A lot of the disagreements at work are usually around how to improve things ( good disagreements IYSWIM) but now I'm like 'whatever'

I went to see my Dr about something else and just burst out crying and the whole appointment was changed from what I went in for to how I am feeling. As I have been feeling like this for more than 12 months she has skipped the initial 'try diet, exercise and see me in a few weeks' and with my agreement has put on medication.

I'm 49.
I've heard people say that women feel invisible from the world when they get to middle age but I don't feel that at all. I feel there are loads of things to do and be done, lots of places to see, lots of fun to be had - it's just that I can't be bothered with it.

I have cancelled my holiday of a lifetime which I had saved up for 2 years for because 'what's the point?'

Bit of a ramble this but does anyone know what I mean because I feel like I'm in a wilderness!

Yes. I was suicidal and then just blah for ages. And yes, people go through this and come out the other side. I did.
It's an illness. It doesn't have to be anything to do with how your life is, I'm no expert but my doctor talked about a chemical imbalance. Don't spend your holiday money, you might well want to rebook it at some point.

You're doing exactly the right thing getting help. Keep talking to us as well, loads of people on here have been through it x

Thank You so much for replying.
I have been trying to do something since 8.00am but I am still sat in my PJs!

Tomorrow I will be up ok and be in work at 7.00am
I think it is because there is structure there 'forcing' me to do something.

I am going to make an effort and go for a walk but it is so easy to think, oh by the time I get somewhere the boys will be coming home or 'oh, I'll just have a cup of tea' whereas before I would have my rucksack packed the night before and be ready to go a days adventure somewhere!

The exact same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. My dr after I burst into tears got me to fill out a form and tick a few questions and put me on some tablets. I felt better but very lethargic, it got me through a couple of weeks, then because of commitments and because I have felt my brain was too foggy I have just come off the tablets as they made me feel tired and sleepless at the wrong times. I have been off them a couple of days now and I feel back to becoming my former self for now. I couldn't be where I am now I think without those tablets. But I'm really positive I'm back on the right track again. I'm staying indoors less and going back out again and not keeping the curtains closed so much in the daytime.

I spoke to a close friend yesterday and she was shocked at how quickly I had been given meds but my 5 min appointment to check something else ended up being a 25 min appointment gently asking questions, explaining possible treatments etc and that the meds wasn't a quick fi.
I felt listened to and as she was used to seeing people like this (which made it easier) she also spoke of her own expeiernces which was reassuring as she is the same age as me.
Taken the first tablet today.

Wish me luck!

Have you had your thyroid checked? Iron levels and vitamin D? Have other physical reasons been ruled out, and was there anything to trigger the depression such as a change of circumstances or physical feelings or pain, bereavement or shock/trauma?

I felt just like that and found I had low thyroid and anemia. The meds I take help day to day but I still get down days, especially after dealing with a crisis or difficulties with family members.

Tbh I think my meds were a combination of anxiety / depression

No for thyroid or iron check.
I go back in a month and will ask for them.

Still in PJ's going to have a shower and make and effort now!

Structure definitely helps, and the tablets have made a huge difference to me. If you're offered talking therapies of any kind, take them.
And go easy on yourself. You're not well, but you've taken the first steps to getting better.

Tablets have helped people I know too. It does take time, and you might find people around you notice a change in you before you do yourself. :)

I'm glad you felt listened to at the GP's.

The weird thing is that I'm not sad all the time.
I still finds things funny and enjoy the company of my family.

I think I thought depression would mean that doom and gloom all the time but it's not like that for me.

Sometimes I just burst into tears. other times I can sit for what I think is 1/2hour but 2 and 1/2 have gone by without me realising it and I've done nothing.

I told my dr this and she nodded and said that was typical behaviour!

It sounds completely typical to me. I found CBT and pills helpful. Wishing you better health. xx

Can I ask what type of pills your GP prescribed, flipchart, and what you've found to be effective for this, Wolfie?

I'm on citalopram 1 a day for a month then a review.

I'm on citalopram 30mg but hoping to reduce. Be aware they take a while to kick in.
I found it helpful in CBT to plan my week ahead. Set a mixture of essential, routine and enjoyable tasks. I realised I was avoiding stupid things like dealing with post and had stopped doing lots of stuff I enjoy.

Despite having a family and working full time I have a lot of free time and have never had trouble filling it with fun stuff.
I loves my snowboarding, going to the cinema, having lunch out, long hikes.

I used to look forward to doing these things and loads more but quite frankly I can't be bothered.

All I've done is pile weight on!!

I understand totally. Once I recovered enough to get out of bed I couldn't face it or couldn't be arsed! I've taken to trying to do something (small to start with) every day.
It can get better. You can get back to you.
But it does suck!!

'I loves my snowboarding' Ha, slipping in to local dialect there!

Thanks for the encouragement, I look forward to getting better!

All sounds really familiar! I'm on 40mg Citalopram, going to talk to my GP next week about starting to cut down. And I could still enjoy walking the dogs or seeing friends while I was depressed.
I'm so glad you've got a GP who gets it, that maled such a big difference.

Wolfiefan - I do the post thing have for years actually have piles of the stuff