Hello, I'm struggling with my meds.

[manicmother04]

This is my first post but I'm a long time lurker on this site. I saw this topic and wondered if it would be ok if I posted here.

I have schizoaffective disorder and I'm currently prescribed 30mg Abilify (aripiprozole) and 450mg Molipaxin (trazodone). First of all, I want to say that I am feeling very stable after a bit of a rocky summer. Unfortunately I have come to the realization that my Abilify is poisoning both my brain and body. I am convinced that they gave me diabetes and I was in a mind fog for the whole year and a half I was taking them so I stopped 6 days ago. I still take my Molipaxin every night or I wouldn't get any sleep at all but I am only having a few hours of sleep every night before waking between 2am and 3am.

I feel loads better in myself, my sex drive has increased 10fold much to my OH's delight, I have so much more energy, sleep is for wimps anyway. Does anyone know how long it will be before there is no Abilify in my system?

I am doing this in secret as my OH would worry and I need to prove to him that I am alright. I told my keyworker but that is in confidence. I am under the care of the psychosis team at the moment. Thank you for reading all this.

I think you should start taking your aripiprazole again.

I agree with mp on this. Could you discuss this with your psychiatrist? I am struggling with coming to terms with taking meds that I am very wary of, so I do understand your misgivings, honestly I do, but there is a middle ground x

Also I'd say if you are keeping this from your oh and if you are not sleeping much, that is not a good sign. You know it can't last and it's not nice when the crash hits

Thank you for your input, I actually had a full night's sleep last night so feel fine. I'm beginning to feel like me again which is why I am reluctant to start taking my meds again. I will be very careful in monitoring my symptoms and my OH is very good at noticing when things start to slip for me.

My psychiatrist was making noises over changing my meds to Clozapine but I would need to be an inpatient for that and I am extremely afraid of going back into hospital. I've managed to stay out for 15 years but the few years I spent as an inpatient have really scarred me. My psychiatrist doesn't like me either so it's hard to be open with her.

The thing with the Abilify, apart from poisoning me, is that it didn't stop my voices and intrusive thoughts about hurting my family back in the Summer so I don't really trust them. Honestly, I don't feel ill at all now.

Well, maybe I'm not as well as I thought. I've decided to take the Abilify again, feel so defeated with it. I'm only taking it because I can't bear to disappoint and worry my OH and I can't face the disapproval from my CMHT. I'm going to be stuck on these bloody things for ever aren't I.