I think I'm heading for a breakdown.

[astewart]

I'm going through a really messy divorce, child court cases, small claims courts, social services involvement (not because of me) ex has a new partner, dp and I not getting on and my eldest refuses to speak to me.
Just had an almighty row with my dp and he suggested I move out (his name on the mortgage).
I've locked myself in the
bathroom, thrown a glass in rage/upset then picked up a piece of glass and cut my arm. I've never self harmed before in my life. The rage isn't new but it hast happened in such a long time, probably over 10 yrs.
I know I need some help but I just don't see an end in sight to this whole sorry mess. I can't stop crying.
I don't want to go to the doctors for fear of social services findin out and assuming I can't cope ad take my kids. I can cope with them, they are fine. It's everything else going round in my head I can't handle. I'm constantly thinking and it's effecting everything even my job. I don't even know why I'm posting. I just need to talk right now.

Oh god you have SO much shit going on just now, it would be strange if you weren't feeling in an emotional heap. If you haven't had any mental health problems before I would think it is more likely that you are simply reacting to the stress around you, though sometimes GPs will diagnose people with "situational depression."

I think the most useful thing I can say (as a retired social worker/manager) with a career spanning some 30 years in a LA Children's Services dept., there is absolutely no way that social workers would apply to a court for your children to be removed from the information you have given. Contrary to popular belief social workers have NO power to remove children - they have to apply to a Court who will make the decision and I can assure you that no social worker will go near a court without very strong evidence that the children are being significantly harmed and this means being seriously abused or neglected. So please put that worry out of your mind. I am saddened by how many times I have had to repeat this on the MH threads and I can't imagine how many other mothers in your position are scared to see the GP because of this fear.

It's a pity about the self harm - is it bad? Have you cleaned/dressed the cut? Do you need hospital treatment? Incidentally medics are supposed to accept that self harm is a result of extreme emotional distress and are meant to be non judgemental but I think a lot of them don't follow this advice.

If you want to post again I'll check back in later and try to calm down (easier said than done I know........) deep breathing, slowly in through the nose to a count of 6/7 - hold for a second or two and then a long slow outbreath 9/10 through the mouth. Don't worry about the numbers, just so long as the outbreath is longer than the in breath.

I struggled for a long time feeling overwhelmed but when I spoke to my GP there was no mention of my ability to cope with the children. Just what did I feel and how they could help. I'm taking an AD and it's helping lots.

Thanks. Im a bit better this morning. The cuts were merely scratches, it more the fact I wanted to do it which worries me.
Im so worried about where to go from here. Im just not the person I used to be, Im usually really bubbly, funny and witty, thats all gone now, I feel like Im just a shell, just getting through each day.
Ive two kids in tow and no where to go. I dread to think how they will handle being moved again, I feel awful for it (we moved twice last year) and they are really settled.

Im going to make an appointment with the doctor this evening. I do feel overwhelmed by everything. Im not alone, I have good friends and family but I feel like sometimes they are sick of hearing it. I worry too much about what people think and I need to get over that too.

Glad you're a bit better today - looks like your r/ship with DP is breaking up too........surely your family/friends would put you and the kids up until you get sorted. Good move to see the GP - if you're depressed you will probably be prescribed ADs and they can be a life saver, although they can take 2/3 weeks to kick in and you need to be on the right dose. Sometimes you have to try 1 or 2 different ones as what suits one doesn't suit another.

Hang on in there - there will be brighter times ahead......and you are fortunate to have good friends and family - let them support you. So many people on these MH threads seem to be alone in the world.