Is this a normal response to an awful few years or do I need help?

[OlderMummy1]

Our family has had a dreadful few years. It started with my 27 year old sister being told she had terminal lung cancer (misdiagnosed as she actually had stage 4 Hodgkins). We nearly lost her a few times but she has now been in remission for 5 years. Last xmas my grandad was diagnosed with sarcoma and had to have his leg amputated. We had a nightmare coping with that and then a few months after he got home from the hospital my nan was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. She died of a stroke a month later. In between all that I have had infertility and 4 miscarriages, given birth to 2 babies with awful reflux and now have a 2 year old and a 7 month old.

I gave up my job when my sister was diagnosed to help look after her and am now a stay at home mum as luckily my husband can support us.

Some nights (and it is usually nights) I cry myself to sleep. All my thoughts are about cancer. I have read every research article and BMJ article that has been published in the last 5 years. I suppose I think knowledge is power. I think that I am going to get cancer soon and die, leaving my children with no mother. I worry that my children will get cancer. This makes me a very over anxious mother. I do my best to hide it from the children but know that this will be difficult as they get older. Both my children still sleep on breathing monitors and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to take them away.

I try not to watch the news or read newspapers as anything sad can set me off in tears these days. Then, perversely, I will accidentally see a headline on the Internet or a post on Mumsnet about cancer or losing a child and I have to read it, knowing that I shall then be thinking about it for weeks.

I have posted before about my anxiety over my 2 year old starting nursery.

I don't want to go on medication so I'm unsure about going to the doctors. I am also comfort eating at the moment which I know will increase my risk of getting cancer but I just can't break the cycle.

Hi,

Sorry to hear you have had such an awful few years.

I have no real experience about cancer. But I have suffered from mental health problems most of my life.

I think a natural worry and concern is normal, however, from the sound of your post it's gone beyond that to quite severe anxiety, it sounds like the worries and concerns almost consume you.

It really would be worth going to your GP, there are other alternatives to medication, like talking therapies. However, there really is no need to worry about taking medication as it really can be helpful.

Why don't you want to have medication? Maybe cbt counselling will help

There is help without medication. I was scared of going on it but have found it immensely helpful. It has made it easier to start to sort things out. It's like a step to getting sorted. I can relate to the anxiety and health. It is exhausting. Seeing your GP would make a difference, it really would.

After my dad died from you-know-what I couldn't stop thinking about it and had counselling. The therapist gave me post-traumatic stress disorder exercises which massively helped. Maybe you could try this?

Sounds like a terrible time. CBT or Mindfulness may help you to deal with these feelings. I lost four close relatives in a year when I was 16/17 and am convinced I will die and leave my children in the same situation,talking therapy is helping me to deal with these thoughts. I prefer one to one rather than group counselling, I am working through this now. Could you speak to your GP?

It sounds really rough. It's not surprising you're finding it very hard, but you do sound overly anxious.

Don't necessarily discount medication out of hand; it may work well for you. I'm currently on fluoxetine for depression caused by obsessing about my brother's death, combined with other family stresses. For me it's been great. I was really worried about the long list of potential side effects, but I've not personally had any noticeable problems whatsoever. I seem a bit more tired than I used to be, but when I was really depressed I was far, far worse!

You could always try it for a month, then stop if it doesn't help or you have any side effects of concern.

I feel it's giving me a sort of short-term breather to think about how to take positive action to improve things longer-term while I work my way through 'therapy' (in my particular case, reading through and trying to implement the advice in several self-help books). I feel I'm a better mother now than I was 6 months ago, both because I've stopped repeatedly bursting into tears (thanks to the fluoxetine) while also learning new parenting techniques (thanks to the books).

My hope is that I will be able to come off the medication in a few months' time, once I've really had a chance to get used to thinking more sensibly and absorb the 'therapy'. I've only descended into mild doom once, for only half an hour, since starting fluoxetine; I was at it a couple of half-days a week when I decided I needed to get some help. I can now look at my son as his own person again, without continually comparing him to my brother.

The GP is also a good first port of call to access counselling, instead of or as well as medication.

Good luck.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time- we've had a run of awful health problems in my family too and it's really tough.

You say you're not sure about going to your doctor but I think you absolutely should, my GP has been so helpful and supportive through tough times in my family.

You've been under so much strain- it would be good for your GP to be aware of this and they won't necessarily want to put you on medication, especially if it's clear that's not what you want. However they may suggest other things that would help, or you could just have a chat and agree to do nothing for now- then if in future you're finding things even harder it'll be easier to go back, knowing your GP already knows what has been going on and that you might need support of some kind.

I'm losing count of the number of cancer diagnoses in mine / DHs family in the last couple of years, and not everyone has made it. With the other issues you've had too I can see why you'd be struggling- it would be very reasonable to see your GP for a chat, even if you don't think you want to come out with a prescription for something.

Take care x