have been on here invarious guises in previous years, could do with some guidance AGAIN sorry!`

[StrumpersPlunkett]

Lovely peeps you have been so helpful in previous years suffering with PTSD, I was here as JingleyJen, Bythepowerofgreyskull and neverknowinglyunderstood, but in my latest incarnation on MN I have not needed you until now.

I have been on such an even keel, but just recently as my DS has got older he and his friends are getting to the point in their lives where mine collapsed and it is knocking me more than I could have imagined.

I was raped when I was 11, I was in my opinion old enough to have some responsibility etc and yet now I look at the 11 year old female friends of my son and I am crumbling under the realization that I was a child. I have returned to being a rambling fool. The slightest things are triggering panic attacks.

Help!

I can totally understand how yhat age must be triggering for you. Can you hotfoot it to gp for counselling if you think it would help-even just having someone to talk at about it, iykwim?

Thanks Haggis, I still have the contact details for the therapist I saw everyweek for 3 years but it is now about 18months since we met.
Is that too long to get intouch again?

Just going to try to sleep for now. I know I am worried because I can feel myself slipping into similar patterns of behaviour and I can't seem to shake them myself. Night

No, I don't think it is too long. If you found them helpful before I'd get in touch with them again. Have an unmsnetty hug-this too shall pass.

thank you or your kindness.

I have been shocked about how quickly things have spiralled.
I realised today that I have started sabotaging my life again..

Hmm will pluck up the courage to call.. I hope

Oh do, please. I know how easy it is to slip into bad patterns of thought and behaviour, but recognising that you do that is such a good thing to be able to do. Please call the counsellor who helped you before. Promise?!

Oh God I have let down a friend who doesn't know much about my history.
I have been paralysed with inaction and I have no idea how to ask her to understand.