it cant rain all the time, right?

[rota09]

I work in the nhs,been here for a few years and I have a long history of mental health problems which they knew when they hired me, I've always been brutally honest about my mh. I am at the end of my tether.

I'm pregnant (3rd trimester) and two weeks ago I had a breakdown so was written off work but they deemed that I didn't need medicating but if I started to struggle then I was to go to my gp who would prescribe "something to help" Occupational health and I agreed that I was fit to return to work today but I had a "wobble" last night.and my anxiety went through the roof and I got no sleep so rang in sick today.I am exhausted but I can't sleep as I can't switch off so I trekked myself to the gp for some help. Gp are useless as I'm pregnant and they aren't mh trained so are able to offer me diddly squat. Now got to wait for a mh consultant referral and an appointment to be made.

Work rang me this afternoon and have said if I'm going to be off sick any more then they will place me on forced maternity leave as they "don't get cover for illness but they do for maternity leave" I'm not due to start mat leave for another 9 weeks. I've spoken to HR who have confirmed that as my breakdown and mh issues are nothing to do with pregnancy (aren't helped by it but not directly caused)that my boss can't do this but it doesn't make it any easier.

I'm sat here in tears as I've got to face my boss who will know that I've gone "behind her back" to HR and doesn't really believe in sickness let alone mh problems, my colleagues are having to work short staffed because of my issues and moving departments/quitting my job/reducing my hours aren't an option. I'm already starting to use my Annual leave for the next 8 weeks to cut down my hours prior to mat leave.

I've been diagnosed with pnd after the birth of my first baby,10 years ago and I've always had low/negative self esteem.

Ive been told to try to find the positive in things, I've got a good qualification,I'm in a well paid job with security and two kids who have no health problems and a partner of 12 years who supports me. So why am I like this?

I guess I'm just tired of a lot of things and with my previous bouts of mh issues I've slept as my way of dealing with things.

Any advice?

Spoke to my gp who has signed me off for another week. My boss is going to go crazy :( I'm waiting on her to call me as I think she is currently in the phone to hr and occupational health trying to find a way to get rid of me. :*(

Has anyone got any experience or advice?

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. Would starting maternity leave earlier than you planned be impossible for you? If you could make it work financially then those extra weeks at home may help your anxiety. Sending big hugs.

There is no way we could afford me to start Mat leave now. Plus I would have to return to work when dc3 was only four months old.

And being at home does not help with the anxiety.

I hope things work out well for you.

Hi can you ask for a phased return to work when you go back? A gp can write a fit note for altered hours for you? that may help anxiety levels?

I think you can be signed off ill on pay until week 36 and after that I think maternity leave has to start if still off ill - unless it can be proved not pregnanct related? good HR supporting you.