diagnoised bipolor in April. First real low and trying not to OD.

[whichheadisright]

Hi. Signed up to mumsnet to distract me from taking pills as feeling slightly sucidal or at the very last wanting to knock myself out. Had a recent crisis that included some psychosis. Back on high ish dose of quitiapine which is leaving me feeling useless, just want to sleep in the day. Doing school run hard as listening to mums talking about work, masters degree's etc etc. DH of 10 years left 2 weeks ago during my bipolor crisis and now being a dick. Hate bipolor, feel like i cant go on feeling this tired, useless and hopeless. Feeling very impulsive re taking pills but really really trying to resist.

fuck it just taken an extra dose of quitapine in the vain hope it will numb the pain! WHo gives a shit anyway. Cant believe i am in this situation and wishing on total stranger to aid me in some way. Wish i had not posted.

Hi

I give a shit.x

Hi, just a hand to hold here who understands. I'm sorry you're having such a shit time. I have Bipolar too and finding the right balances of drugs can take time (personally lithium is fab for me). I give a shit about you and I'm sure lots of other people do too (massive hug)

Hi you need to call mental health services right away and get some professional help. They can help you and will be glad to do so. Ring right away.

Are you still online? We want to help xxx

Thankyou xx I m finding it hard to give a shit about myself right now so glad someone does. Have had the manic episodes and would give my right arm for that instead of this low. Feels very dangerous, especially as i have a dc.

I have bipolar. It's tough. I care x

Have you got a care plan or access to out of hours team? It could be worth giving them a shout. I hope this passes soon for you.

I am under home treatment team. The have been amazing so far. I hve phoned tonight but reluctant to tell them how impulsive i feel due to DC. I get a visit tomorrow. I was on diazepam which helped loads but they have reduced it and now stopped it. I hve some procycladine so could take some of that to try and get through tonight. How do others survive feeling this way without doing anything silly?

So glad you're still here x it is very scary and that's why alerting the professionals is important. Have you got a care team? If not then don't underestimate out-of-hours GP - they can be really good. Or an ambulance for A&E if you feel you are not safe - they will have a duty psychiatrist. Your DCs need their mum to be helped and looked after - and anyway you deserve to be

My psychiatrist makes sure I always have a supply of diazepam just in case - but he is unusual in this. I don't know the other drug you mention. During my latest "episode" lithium was literally a life- saver for me - it took any self destructive thoughts completely away x

Re your question about surviving feeling like this without topping myself I

1. Break time into small chunks - Tell myself I will get through next 5 mins etc
2. See it like labour and think "this too will pass"
3. Be honest with the care team/Drs - don't worry about it affecting you having your DCs - it's a common fear but nearly always unfounded. I don't know anyone (and I know a lot of us!) who has ever had their DCs brought into it except as support from school etc.

Thanks queenofkinkers Thankfully i am now feeling drowsy from extra dose. Dont feel so impulsive now so going to try and sleep. i have a visit tomorrow from HTT. Sounds like lithium could be worth looking into. I think i have had a bit of a rapid cycle lately. The MHT have never involved dc and i want it to stay tha way, even though dick of a husband has abandoned ship. thankyou again for your support and tips xx