Is this depression?

[carriewintermeadow]

My gp thinks I'm depressed and I'm taking ADs, I'm off work sick and have been for a month. I'm wondering if it's just life and circumstances getting to me though. I was suffering with anxiety and the ADs have helped with that. I was having trouble sleeping and that has also improved.

However, I feel like I can't be bothered with anything, just want to sleep all day. I don't want to go back to work and interact with people, I don't feel I can do it. I don't want to talk to anyone apart from dh and dd. However, I have felt like that for a long time.

I really need to be earning due to our dire financial situation. We have a lot of debt, as dh has been out of work a lot and is at present. The situation now feels hopeless. I can't picture managing to work full-time and my part time job doesn't even cover our outgoings.

I don't think about killing myself, couldn't do that to my children, but I do wish I could just be left alone, completely alone.

Maybe this is just the sort of person I am? Maybe I'm lazy?

I've been trying to think of something I could do from home to earn money too, but I'm not creative, I have no talents, I work in Admin, but struggle to use the phone at present (a big part of my job).

Sure, you may be lazy - bit it does sound like depression to me (your 2nd para)

You are definitely depressed. Thinking that you are just lazy and not being bothered to do anything are symptoms. Confusingly, the cannot-care-less feeling can also be a side effect. How long have you been on the AD's? It can take up to 6 weeks to feel the full benefit. Are you also going to get some talk therapy?

I've been on ADs since February, started on lowest dose, just increased the dose for the second time a week ago. Tbh I felt like this before, couldn't be bothered, didn't want to talk to anyone.

I've not been offered any talking therapy.

Your AD's are not working and if I were you I would ask the doc if you could try something else. I've been on many different AD's before finding the one that seems to be working for me long term. What AD are you on and what is the dosage?

Please ask for talk therapy as well. When the AD's work they lift the fog in your mind and improves your motivation and mood. However the habits of negative thinking can still linger and talk therapy really helps to work through that.

I'm taking Sertraline, 150 mg. They really helped with the anxiety I was suffering with, so I'm loath to change to a different one.

My GP did say that if this increased dose doesn't help, we should consider a different AD.

I wish someone would section me, so that I can be looked after somewhere, not have any responsibilities. I should obviously add I have never been sectioned, nor do I know anyone who has been, so I don't know what it's like. I guess what I mean is I want to have some peace and not have to be a good wife, good mother, prepare nutritious food, keep the house clean and eventually go back to work. It's all too much

Is DH aware of your depression and how you feel? Can he provide greater support on the household front?

Don't be too concerned about switching to another AD if sertraline isn't helping with depression (though it is helping with anxiety and sleep). It can take several goes to get an AD that works for you - and I would imagine that your GP would switch you to another SSRI AD.

FYI - and I know each person is different - sertraline never did much for me (though seemed to be the first line of AD chosen by my GP) but fluoxetine (another SSRI) seemed to work for me.

Have you got regular review appointments with your GP? My GP was very good with this and could perceive changes in me when I was not necessarily aware of them (eg when I started to make eye contact during appointments instead of just staring at the floor).

Dh is aware of my depression, but we don't talk about it - I just try not to harp on, as he never seems to know what to say. He encourages me to do nothing around the house, but doesn't do anything either.

I see my gp every 2 weeks.

I have taken fluoroxetine in the past, but had terrible headaches. I thought sertraline was thought to be one of the best ADs for anxiety?

Glad you're seeing your GP regularly.

Yes, I understand sertraline is good for anxiety (and restoring sleep). Shame fluoxetine hasn't worked for you in the past.

I hope you and your GP find something that alleviates your depression - and wish you the best. It is shit though, isn't it.

Could you give DH some short but informative articles on depression that make it clear it is an illness, you cannot just pull yourself out of it, and how it makes people feel? Then tell him or write him a letter about how you specifically feel and what specific help you would appreciate. He might genuinely not realise that the garbage bag is full and must be taken out, that it's 18:00 and the kids must get into the bath, that bathrooms need cleaning (and how to do it if he has never done it.) Also ask him to go with you to your gp appointment.

I think he's aware of how depression works, just doesn't know how to talk about. I've given up trying. To be honest I'm wrestling with the guilt that I'm not the wife I promised to be I just try to act as if everything is OK.

Yes, Aridane, it is shit

Carrie your DH needs to step up here. Would you be feeling this guilty if you had cancer / diabetes / a broken leg instead of depression and anxiety? And I say this as someone who told my DH on more than one occasion that he and DD would be better off without me, I brought nothing positive into their lives. Those are the lies that depression tells you, don't believe it. What you have is a real illness and your DH should be supporting you through it.

Tbh I would probably be feeling guilty with any illness.

Carrie this is not your fault. Guilt eats up valuable energy that could have been spent on something else. It's hard not to feel guilty I know - I think it is wired into parents' DNA.

Thank you Lasting. I don't think I can reprogramme my thinking. I can't talk to dh about this at all, I think partly because I've never been able to admit needing help or indeed admit weakness of any kind, but also because when I try to talk to him about anything serious he clamps shut, doesn't seem to know how to talk about such things. I hate confrontation, so leave things as they are.

Carrie I'm so sorry your DH is supportive. You need to find that support somewhere. Reprogramming thinking and getting some support is what talk therapy is all about, please ask your gp for a referral.

You know, people often recommend the books "How to talk so kids/teens will listen and listen so kids/teens will talk" on these boards. Maybe there should be a "How to talk so DH's will listen"...

I feel like I'm being really cheeky asking for anything. I struggled to ask for help in the first place. My GP thinks I'm depressed because of our financial/employment situation, I'm not sure she will think I need talking therapy.