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Mental health

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Original poster

Money Problems

58 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 09:34

Well, it is some time since I have been here, but after a few weeks of hell, I have succumbed.

Dh and I are in such financial straits at the moment. Normally we lurch from month to month just about breaking even, sometimes going overdrawn and putting things on the credit card to pay off the next month, but mainly getting by. this itself has been depressing because we only manage to get by by not having the usual luxuries that many people take for granted - days out, takeaways, clothes (except for what is desperately needed).

But now we are in a worse state than ever before. We had a huge car repari bill this week (£1500) and that has effectively left us with nothing to spend for the next 4 weeks. But I still have to feed the children and there are bound to be payments that have to be made. I am in despair.

I don't need to be told how to budget things or buy cheaply - regretably, I live that life all the time. I just wanted to off load here as I am so anxious about it and have no-one else I can talk to.

OP posts:

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 13:10

I wouldn't want to be a TA as I would find it hard to have to be told what to do by a teacher. I used to be a senior teacher myself!

I have long thought of tutoring but it just isn't practical as I have 4 children of my own, dh works long hours and people want tutors for out of school hours when I am fully occupied with childcare. It is something I would consider when my children are old enough to look after themselves after school but that is some time away.

BTW, I am advertising everything I can think of to sell on the For Sale thread, but no success so far. Probably just as well as I am gathering things up under ds3's nose to sell them!

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beckybrastraps · 27/09/2006 13:18

Definitely get in touch with your mortagage lender about a payment holiday. We're just applying for a new one and it says in teh bumpf that we could take one for between 3 -12 months without penalty as long as we had had a good relationship for at least a year and LTV less than 80%. Might give you some breathing space.

Sorry, know you weren't wanting advice.

potoftea · 27/09/2006 14:09

Reading this has made me feel better, knowing I am not the only one struggling. We look fine from the outside, but every week we are spending more than we have coming in. We haven't had a holiday this year,and don't spend it on drink, smoking or eating out, but we are just always broke. Keeping up appearances is tough, years ago everyone was poor so there was no shame in it. My kids friends seem to have unlimited cash!

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2006 14:11

DG - only just seen this thread. I know exactly how you feel - we were in the exact same position last year. We were 4 months behind on mortgage payments and owed £10000's in other loans/credit cards/debts. We still owe a lot of money now, but things are back on track.

saythatagain · 27/09/2006 15:18

Oh this sounds so familar - I constantly worry about our financial status. I look at other people and wonder how they can afford holidays (I work in a travel agency), drive the cars they do and all the 'other stuff' that is considered the norm. I can never see a point where we will have 'spare' cash. But it is a valid point that Expat has made imo.

scootermum · 27/09/2006 15:18

We are really broke too.We both have good jobs but we just dont have anything left over at the end of the month due to a huge mortgage, (for which we only have a two up two down house), debt from uni,and now childcare.We dont go out anymore at all.We now have baby no 2 on the way and I cant sleep for thinking about just how we will cope.It just doesnt seem fair when we both wrok really hard.
We live in quite a nice town as well and all my baby mates are realy wealthy.Know its silly and unhelpful and indeed unmhealthy but I get so jealous and resentful sometimes...
Am thinking of doing some seasonal work to get me through Christmas.Only, and I know its ridiculous, but I would be embarassed when people I know see me, but its a way to make some money and dh can have dd if I work weekends which I can do as well as my normal job.
It so galling as I am a manger in my 9-5 life and get paid really quite well.Its just that things cost alot, specially in the south.(I am Northern so that was the obligatory whinge)

scootermum · 27/09/2006 15:20

Apologies for my spelling on that last message.
Obviously I am not the manager of anything to do with dictionaries..

sleepycat · 27/09/2006 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumof3teens · 27/09/2006 15:42

Dumbledoresgirl - have you been on the moneysavingexpert.com website? It is really helpful with lots of constructive advice and help (bit like mumsnet )

saythatagain · 27/09/2006 15:51

Do you think more people than not live on credit these days? If not, where do people get their hard cash from? I have to also admint to feeling envy of these people who can do it all and have it all....that makes me so shallow you could walk in me.

Holidaymum · 27/09/2006 15:54

Hi ddg, did this earlier on the bbe website may help abit? here

Its horrid struggling I know been there! We remortgaged and got a much better deal which saved a fair few quid each month. Also the tips on moneysaving expert do work, though can be a bit time consuming! Good luck and hope you feel better soon.

doobydoo · 27/09/2006 16:09

I don't think that makes you shallow..saythatagain.What really gets to me is when people say 'oh yes i work really hard for what i have'Well lots of people work really hard to just tread water and agonise over whether or not they can buy a cup of coffee once a month.I t should be possible for a family to live on a reasonable wage if one person works and the other stays at home to look after the children..but it isn't

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 16:10

I had a go at that questionnaire, but I think we came out of that quite well because the very basics, like mortgage repayments, pension funds, etc, we always meet. What that questionnaire doesn't ask is how much you have to budget your weekly shop, if you can afford holidays, how often you have to tell your children they can't do something for money reasons, whether you can afford new clothes or always go through charity shops first. That is where we are.

Part of my problem, if I can say this without losing anay sympathy here, is that both dh and I come from wealthy families. I always describe us jokingly as the poor side of the family. But I think we grew up accepting certain things as the norm and having an expectation that we will live lifestyles similar to our parents, whereas the truth is we fall very far short of that. Perhaps one of the reasons we struggle so badly now is that I grew up in a large house and always wanted the same for my children. Well, last year, we finally achieved something near my dream home - although it really needs extending and definitely needs updating to make it my true dream home. So we live in a house that we love and that must make most people think we are really wealthy, but the fact of the matter is, we pay the mortgage, bills and buy food and that is it. No money for anything else.

Perhaps if we had not had such a well-off upbringing, neither of us would have aimed so high and we would not have been in the situation we are now in. But is aiming high a bad thing?

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Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 16:12

Well, I feel my last post has blown any sympathy I might have had now.

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saythatagain · 27/09/2006 16:35

You haven't blown it with me DG.
I don't come from a wealthy background but would've thought that as both me and dh work f/t (and work hard too), don't go on holidays, don't go out for meals, don't go to the cinema..oh you know, the stuff that people do without a second thought ; we'd have money put aside for a rainy day i.e. car tax, MOT, phone bills, new shoes for dd - BUT WE DON'T!
I did that questionnaire too and we don't come out of it badly either. When they say to give some thought to the future with regards savings/mortgage/losing a job etc - I hadn't thought about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 16:37

PMSL Perhaps it is because we have given thought to things like pensions and insurance policies etc that we are unable to go to the cinema or have a takeaway occasionally!

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Holidaymum · 27/09/2006 16:40

You have to look at the long term, sure things are touh now but you should be set up for the future!

expatinscotland · 27/09/2006 16:41

'Perhaps if we had not had such a well-off upbringing, neither of us would have aimed so high and we would not have been in the situation we are now in.'

Not necessarily, though.

I grew up very privileged. My parents have a lovely lifestyle.

Good for them. They earned it.

I wouldn't mind more space.

But I never saw the point in making material things a goal for myself personally.

For me it's always been wanting what you've got, not having what you want.

Different strokes for different folks.

nutcracker · 27/09/2006 16:47

I've said it before but I'll say it again 'Expat, I really wish I could think like you do in terms of making thw most of what you have'.

DG - I sympathise I really do. It's crap when you can't even afford the basics without having to have a serious deiscussion with yourself in you head as to wether to buy or not to buy, really crappy.
When P was working he used to get so wound up that he was working for nowt in his eyes.

Oh and I used to do those forms too where they work out how little money you have, and mine also used to make it look like we were fine. Never could figure out how they did that LOL.

misdee · 27/09/2006 16:51

i dont understand those forms either nutty. how do thy work out that you have £400 left over per month for extras. yeah right thats what they told me once when iwas scrimping ev ery single penny and wasnt actually spending anything on extras.

i had to call today to do a payment plan for something, they started to ask about our income and dependants, its strange how quickly saying transplant list, lowered income stops them doing the rest. he took my offer. no arguements. even got me a 10% discount for paying some straight away.

expatinscotland · 27/09/2006 16:55

Forms DEFINITELY suck!

iota · 27/09/2006 17:11

Nive though your house sounds, TBH DG, I'd rather have a smaller house and plenty of disposable income, but as Expat said "different strokes..."

iota · 27/09/2006 17:11

nice not nive

naswm · 27/09/2006 17:27

No new advice I'm afraid DG

(In respose to your question this morning - I meant, I wont bother you tonight while you are watching that programme, like you asked). Nx

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 27/09/2006 17:34

I knew my house would count against me...

But then, I have the house, other people have the foreign holidays and go shopping every week. The house is expensive, but nothing to compare with foreign holidays and new clothes on a regular basis. Someone local to me has had no fewer than 3 (and those are the ones I know about) foreign holidays this year. She has 2 children and runs her own business - not high tech stuff, jst an ordinary business. How does she manage that I wonder?

I know, I know, jealousy is an unpleasant thing.....

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