A past experience of depression

[ProfessorPickles]

Hello I'm just wanting to talk about when I had depression at 17. It's something I have never spoken in depth about to anyone although some family and a few close friends knew I went through an extremely hard time.

Something I'd be interested in is if anyone can relate to what I say, I often wonder if my experience is a common one, I imagine it is.

It seemed to last for around 9 months start to finish, I started off where I felt sad a lot and this gradually progressed over a matter of weeks into constant anger and frustration which is EXTREMELY out of character for me. Then around 2-3 months in I stopped feeling anything, it's as if I shut down and went blank.
I walked about my life feeling sort of like a robot, I didn't feel much but I would lay in bed on a night wishing to die. When travelling in a car I'd sometimes hope it might crash. I never even considered taking my own life though.

Eventually I built up the courage to see my GP about it which sadly ended in me being fobbed off (or it felt that way).

Eventually the depression seemed to fade out in the same way it faded in and so far I haven't had it since although I do every 4-6 months have spells where I feel I am slipping back in but now I do come back out before I am depressed and I hope I don't ever slip back in.

Thank you for reading this if you do, any thoughts would be much appreciated as I'd like to talk about it although I don't really know why!

Hi Professor

I had a spell of depression at the grand old age of 36 which lasted a couple of years. It was severe enough to be hospitalised in a psychiatric ward for 2 weeks. I'm convinced the situation was worsened by having a bad reaction to anti-depressants (Fluoxetine).

Like you, I have experienced feelings of slipping back down but have developed my own (so far successful) coping strategy. I did this because my after care was shockingly bad. I also feel like discussing it with anyone and everyone frequently

I think that's because I appear so "normal" and am happy to prove that it can hit anyone, at any time.

It's good to talk

Hello Shakey thank you for agreeing to talk about your experiences with me it is much appreciated
I have a few questions based on things you've said I hope that's ok.

What happened which resulted in you being hospitalised? Did a family member call for help for you?

Also what is your coping method? I try my best to surround myself with good company and make an effort to exercise out doors more and to be honest I think the fear of getting ill again helps me to sort of force myself to think positive and be happy

I was hospitalised because I was suicidal at the time and went voluntarily.

My coping method is- I imagine myself to have different hats. If, upon waking, I feel the dark cloud looming I have a mental audit about why that might be and think about what it could be that's making feel that way. So, I acknowledge that it could be because I was worrying about paying a bill, about a friend, about a situation at work etc etc and "assign" the correct "hat" to it. I can the reconcile in my brain that that is the reason for feeling down and not instantly attribute it to the fact I have depression. I feel it could be all to easy to get sucked into the quagmire and immediately think "Oh I'm depressed again" "It's because of my depression" when, actually I will NOT let it dictate my life.

That's not to say I dismiss it all the time. Sometimes, I give it its legs and have a duvet day. I befriend and battle it at the same time if you like. A bit like "Yup, happily admit I have you HOWEVER, you may NOT engulf me, WILL not rule my life. I will not be so ignorant as to deny your existence BUT neither will I let you cloud my thinking when I could be just having an "off" day, like people who don't suffer do. But just to be nice, you may pop your head above the parapet once in a while and I will indulge you briefly"

Glad exercise works for you, I'm a lazy 'un