People constantly judging you based on old scarring

[AmeSt4r]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but I self harmed for 8 years and as such I have permenant scarring on every limb (some more visable than others). I've not cut myself for 9 years now (other than the odd blip but I'm not counting those) yet I still get disapproving looks from people especially medical professionals.

Whenever I see a different medical professional for something (even totally unrelated) the first thing they do is stare at my arms and talk to my scars instead of my face. I've found myself having to cover them up just to avoid the sneaky looks and judgemental comments.

I don't hide my scars day to day because I know they are going to be there for life and because I'm not adding to them anymore I have come to terms with how they look. It just does my head in that people stare at me and clearly make an assumption on me and my mental state based on them.

I am so proud for coming as far as I have an now having a beautiful baby, a husband and other good things happening in my life but it feels shit that self harm will always be a part of it (even if I don't ever do it again it'll always be the first thing I think of when things are tough - I just get better at resisting the urge) because some people can't look beyond the clearly ancient scars and just see me as a person how I am now.

I am a sh but I tend to burn my vagina and thighs. Your post has given me hope so thank you!

Well done on all you have achieved!

Thank you!

Self harm is an awful cycle to get stuck in and I'm not really sure how I broke out of it - it's bloody hard though and you really have to want to stop before you can get out of it.

I won't pretend it's all great once you stop - it's always the first thing I think of and there has been once or twice in the last few years I've messed up and hated myself for doing it. You just get better over time at being able to stop yourself from doing it.

I hope you can break free too spacebound one day!

Thank you I hope I can stop too it's very addictive.

I have self harm scars on my arms and thighs and honestly people don't judge me on them so much, so it does get better as they heal up. My arm scars are 10 years old now and they have faded so much.

Good for you for coming so far ad don't feel like you have to hide away!

The only scarring that people can actually see regularly are the ones on my arms too fluffy and they are all 13+ years old so very white and faded and unlikely to change any further - the only people who make me feel uncomfortable are ones like the health visitor when she visited after my daughter was born. After staring at them the whole time she then proceeded to ask all sorts of questions about them which was unsettling.

I had to have a bowel operation a while back too and the surgeon sent my GP a summary of my consultation with her and confirming what surgery I needed and on what date. However only one paragraph of her letter related to that and the rest was all about the 'noticeable self harm scarring.'

My husband pulled the surgeon up on that one though she talked to my arms every time we saw her for check-ups. Very disconcerting when someone won't look at your face like that!

The scarring on my thighs is probably the most noticeable but luckily there isn't really much call for people seeing them other than when I go swimming and once you are in the water you can't see them anyway! Plus since having my daughter I think people would be more likely to be distracted by the maze of stretchmarks I've got now instead of the white scars.