PND - I just want to curl up

[MummySparkle]

I've just been diagnosed with postnatal depression.

I feel pants.

I've struggled a lot with my MH for years. I spent 15months in hospital when I was 16/17 I'm 24 now. I fought really hard to beat my demons, get back into studying, find a partner and we have 2 beautiful children DS 20months and DD 14weeks.

I feel so low and I don't have the energy to fight this. I thought I'd won, but it just keeps coming back

Hi, are you getting a decent 7-8 hours sleep a night? For me, that was impossible with one baby and that was without a toddler. Once I got my sleep back ( anything over 5 hours in one go!) I managed to cope much better. I wish someone had told me lack of sleep, doing things constantly for others however much as wanted a child and no me-time was for me what made those early months so hard.

I found going to baby groups a life saver - just to sit, have others help play with a child and getting out of the house and into a routine helped. Have you got a good routine? has you health visitor suggested anything to help?

Everything is against me. I just typed a long reply and it deleted itself and didn't post

I do get 5hr stretches most nights. It's older DS that wakes more than DD. This week has been bad because the storms have kept DD awake, and last night she was up every few hours with tummy pain. She suffering from reflux and it's exhausting for both of us. We can tell she wants to be happy and smiley, but she is in pain a lot of the time. We are taking her back to the GP next week to be checked again.

We try to go to the library group every Tuesday. Sometimes it gets sibling to get everyone ready and leave that the group is over by the time we get there :( I'm too nervous to go to the local mother and toddler group. I'm really not good in social situations. I can just see myself sitting by myself with nobody talking to me

HV and GP have been very helpful. HV comes to see me lots because of my MH history to make sure I'm not slipping. GP confirmed PND on Friday and prescribed sertraline. Called to say I could collect them in the afternoon, but all there was was another of my normal medical prescription. I didn't open the bag until this morning so there's nothing I can do til Monday now. Seems like nothing's going right.

They've referred me to MH services, but considering I'm still waiting on a referral from possible ante-natal depression right at the beginning of this pregnancy (almost a year ago) I'm not holding out much hope. I've been on sertraline before but it's never done much for me.

I just feel so tired, I never get any much me time anymore. I go running for 30mins 3 times a week to try to help, but exercise doesn't seem to be the magic cure for me. I miss doing crafty bits in the evenings, that always helps to sort my head out a bit, but by the time DS is asleep and then I've settled DD the. It's all ican do to clean my teeth and go to bed.

Nasty thoughts are creeping in again and It's getting harder and harder to fend them off :(

Could you ask your HV to get you support to get to say local church run/community run/children centre baby groups? I was very nervous at going but once gone found them a lifeline. Especially the ones that are over 1-2 hours as it does not matter if late!!

You have made some good points:

• you are not getting enough sleep as Mummy of 2 young children
• lack of time for yourself, so not doing crafts to switch off
• tired ess due to being a Mummy to two little ones

So ignoring previous MH history I imagine if you went to meet with any other Mums in the same position, they would say similar things to you. aybe give you some tips, or reassure it gets better.

Medication can work if it relieves symptoms of MH issues. But what it cannot do is give you sleep, energy, time for you. So perhaps a combination of medication, support and trying to do what you can for you together can help.

You can ask the HV to refer you for a children's centre worker for support, if they have children's centres ( sometimes known as sure start centres) or a home start volunteer. Practical things to help, alongside MH support.

And hopefully a few weeks of the sertraline will help also.

Thank you kezia

I'm going to try and go to one on a Thursday. I have a childcare student coming on placement to mine on Thursdays at the moment, so an extra pair of hands is useful when leaving the house! Only had one week of her so far so I'm not sure whether she's going to be useful or just a bit in the way. She's already said that she doesn't want to be a nanny, so it's a bit disappointing that her heart isn't in it!

HV is fab, said she would look I to lots of different things for me and call me back next week. Fingers crossed it will be useful. I need to look uti the children's centres a bit more. I'm not 100% sure what they do so I will look into it.

Had to meet up with my mother today which was hard. She's the cause of most of my MH stuff, but we have to see her once a fortnight otherwise she gets annoying and starts phoning constantly. It had felt like a very long weekend

I took my first dose of Sertraline last night.

DS just pooped and weed on the floor. I knelt in it.

Today is not a good day :(