Ah, the most horrendous shock today

[Loveisashadow]

Hi

Was a member of the village for a bit- but one of the lovely ladies on there said start my own thread :)

I've been struggling with severe depression, and had home treatment for a psychotic episode in June/July time. Still struggling with quite severe depression and I don't know....some sort of emotional issues related to the psychotic episode and being unwell in general. I'm not sure, but I find relationships and so on really hard and have a lot of agression and overthink things. I lack emotions and can be quite mean; it really troubles me.

My CpN says I have some psychotic thinking, but I manage it well. She thinks I'm getting myself tangled in knots with it and I should keep a diary of stuff, because I'm disconnected from reality, but can still hold on to it. I don't have a formal diagnosis yet, but she thinks a diary will help them asses me (and me to stop getting confused).

I find daily stuff really hard- all I do is take dd to school and I'm exhausted, I can't do anything else much. I get myself into such a state over trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and why I feel the way I do (really depressed). I cry a lot, can't read, can't eat and find myself saying "I just want peace" because my head hurts so much. I can't even go out, and have started self-harming again.

They still aren't sure what's wrong with me, but I'm having a tough time and have been suicidal on and off for about 6 months. At the minute, I'm taking anti depressants and valuim because I had a horrible phase of making plans.

I've been in court with my ex p over my dd (6) because I didn't think it was safe for her with him (drink issues). Today, my friend phoned me....he's been in a house fire. He had a heart attack, and was rescued by the fire fighters.

We haven't been getting on lately, but I went to see him in hospital. He's in intensive care: burnt, and a tube breathing for him. He's sedated and his heart isnt in a proper rythmn. The fire started because he fell asleep with a cigarette and it set the sofa on fire. He has no next of kin- parents dead and no siblings.

My friend told me he was dead at first, and I went into shock, I think. It was miss information from his landlord, and we had to ring round and find out where he was. Found him in the end, I'm taking care of some stuff as his next of kin.

I didn't like his lifestyle choices, but we have a dd together. I'm in shock and I'm scared he's not going to make it (my Grandad was in ITU in January and died after). We split up 4 years ago, were together for about 3.

Sorry for posting. I feel so poorly and I think I'm in shock. I want to be there for him- he has lost everything- but I just...I thought he was dead. We all did. I feel sick.

Just needed to get that out.

What an awful shock, I'm so sorry. God, what a turn of events.

I hope you are ok, look after yourself as best you can to help cope with the shock. Don't try to do too much. Thinking of you all and hoping he pulls through. You're not responsible for him, so don't get too dragged into all the tasks. I understand though that he is your dd's father and it is complicated.

It was a complete turn- and a total shock. Don't think I'm over that yet, to be honest.

We are lucky in that we were all mutual friends at the time of dd and still are- I was able to find out from them what had happened to him.

It all feels a bit weird. My body feels strange. I think I'm still in shock really.

Phoned the hospital and the breathing tubes are coming out today and they will wake him up a bit more. I can't go because of school hours and visiting times, so a friend will. She she phoned them as well, nurse said it will take days to wake him up.

Wev'e heard (though not confirmed) that another Man died in the fire, because of smoke inhalation. We don't know yet tough. My ex started it with his cigarette. We think (knowing him) he was drunk, but pushing that aside, such a tragedy.

How awful. I'm not surprised you still feel in shock, I would be. Hot sugary tea and blankets, if you drink tea.

The terrible thing is that people who are really drunk not only start fires, they fail to wake, sometimes even when they are getting burnt. Anyone can fail to wake especially in smoke, but they are more at risk.

I know he will be in a bad way if he pulls through, and nothing can make this good in any way, especially if a man has died. But do you think this might shock him into changing his ways at all?

How is your dd, does she know anything?

My DD is ok. She's coping well. She knows. I was worried about her doing the great fire of London in school, but she seems OK. I spoke to the teacher.

I have been to his flat to collect the post and stop his dodgy landlord getting hold of bank details- they had spats over loud music and so on. I don't think there were any smoke alarms in the property, but I'm not sure. It was a very run down place. When I saw him last night, he had burns to his face and legs. HIs legs were covered, but face and ears superficial. It's smoke and his heart were the worry.

Our other friend was at the property yesterday afternoo trying to trace news, and the landlord and fire brigade were there also. He said it was a cigarette fire, dropped onto the sofa and it went up in flames.He lived on the top floor of a victorian house, converted into flats. There was no fire escape.

In the flat, there is a small window above the stairs smashed. He tried to get out, but couldn't have got out that way anyway. Have nearly traced his mobile phone. We think it was in his pocket when he was pulled out of the fire, but we aren't sure. Some-one rang it and got an answer yesterday, so we know it's there somewhere. The charge has gone now, I've tried it. Hopefully the hospital may be able to help us find it. I need the numbers for his friends.

We had an argument over contact with dd last time we spoke. It seems like so much of a strange thing to have happened.

I went to sleep for an hour earlier and when I woke up, was so disorientated. I thought I'd overslept and had to get dd up for school! Then I thought about him straight away, and how he was.

I'm in conflict. It was his own fault, yet I'm so so sad for him. Sorry, rambling on. It is hard. And so unexpected.

Sorry, didn't answer your question. My dd is almost 7
I've no idea on changing his ways, none st all. I can't see it myself, if I'm honest, but if he does pull through, then I'm guessing he has z long recovery ahead.

That's a terrible shock.

He caused the fire but it wasn't his 'fault' - if he was inebriated then he wouldn't have foreseen the consequences. Of course, you could debate that it's his fault for being a drunk, but alcohol addiction is much more complex than that. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think you should feel conflicted for wanting to support him.

In terms of recovery, yes it will likely be an incredibly long recovery process. Depending on how much of his body got burned and which parts, the recovery will be different. It's good news that they're thinking of removing the tube.

Take it slowly - your mental health is the priority here, because you are your DD's world. Your ex will need support but you can't be his only support.

I think I feel so conflicted in that we weren't exactly best friends, to put it mildly.

Our mutual friend went to see him today. The problem is with his lungs. They needs time to clear, but they are full of toxins and smoke. I think they have Chang ed their minds slightly, as they have said its an unknown as to whether he will breathe on his own. His blood pressure keeps going up, and there's a possibility that the toxins have damaged other parts of his body and brain damage can't be ruled out at this stage. The problem is severe smoke inhalation, so we are still at the stage where we don't know if he will make it.

I don't want to make it all about me, but I've been suffering from severe depression and was planning to end my life this week, but talked to my cpn and we chatted it through, which helped.

I'm in absolute shock still; too hot, sweaty and shivery. I just don't know if that's normal. Him being ok is all I've been thinking about, not the drinking stuff.

I'm not sure what is normal about how long the effects of shock last, but I think it is normal. Keep an eye on it. I hope you get some sleep.

I agree with lougle that you shouldn't take on too much, you can be a support but not the main one. You need to look after yourself and your DD. That is the best thing you can do for everyone. I really hope you are feeling a bit better.

I am going away for a couple of days without internet, will check in and see how you're doing when I can, and will be hoping things improve.

I think it is normal. We are trying our best for him,but we are a big helpless. I think he was depressed and just isolated himself further and further, and the accident was the last in a long line of things.

Our social worker went to see him as part of the courts, she said he was unsteady on his feet, flat a tip and falling asleep. Maybe he was having medical issues too, I don't know. He hasn't many friends and no family left, but I don't think he's going to make it. In my heart, that's what I think, and I do so hope he improves, but the way ny friend was talking today it's not good.

I will ask the doctor s tommorow when I see them, but I think it's a case of seeing how things go. It's been an awful year, really. My Grandfather died on new years day, I had severe depression after, then a psychotic episode, got a job but lost it because I was unwell,now I'm back in depression, Dds Father took me to court because of access issues now her is very,very sick in critical care. I am in such conflict, so many emotions.
I hope he pulls through.

I am sorry you are having such an awful time, I hope you have someone supporting you with all this x

I have a couple of friends, but it is hard.

Went to see him today- they can't get him off the sedation or ventilation yet, he's having a tube put in his throat instead of his mouth, and they are trying to get him to wake up. His blood pressure keeps going up when they try to take him off sedation, though he did move his arms up towards his breathing tube today.

However, they can't get him off the sedation and he has a chest infection, as well as soot on his lungs. The tube is helping him to breathe, and they don't think he will breathe on his own without it. As to whether he will be able to....it's a big unknown at the minute. There's just no way of knowing.

I feel so tired and sick.