DD1 and her mental health. DH and I could do with some advice please.

[QueenVick]

DD1 will be 7 in a couple of months.

She has always been an anxious child, sometimes she seems so unsure of herself and worries a lot about doing things wrong and being told off. She tends to worry overly about pretty much everything. DH and I give her (and DD2) lots of praise and positive vibes and explain that everyone is allowed to make mistakes, even going so far as to explain when DH and I have made a mistake that its nothing to worry about, it just means that you can learn faster IYSWIM.

For the last few months both DH, myself and DD1's teacher from last term have noticed how DD seems to overly worry about EVERYTHING. She is doing fantastically at school and is ahead in everything, I think she tends to put a lot of pressure on herself to get things right/perfect all the time.

On Monday DD told me, quite off the cuff, while we were all sat reading DD2's school book that she doesn't like odd numbers. Normal you say, but please stay with me I will get there.

She also told me that she has to do things which help her feel better, I asked her to explain so mummy could understand better. She told me she needs/feels like she has to click her fingers (you know when you click your fingers and thumbs together) an even number of time and both hands have to do it at the same time. I asked her what happens if her hands don't do it at the same time, she answered that it made her scared and worried that something bad is going to happen to us (meaning DD2, DH and I) I asked her when does she feel like she has to click her fingers and she said when she was upset and worried.

I have GAD and OCD (on top of a few other issues) I instantly recognised the fact that I believe DD1 is dealing with high anxiety issues and OCD.

I spoke to DH that evening after the girls were in bed and told him everything that happened and was said. We've made an appointment with our GP, pretty much because I don't know where to start first. We have a really good mental health provision in our area but for aged 16 upwards (Could be from 18 upwards, I can't truly remember) so I can't take DD1 to them.

What DH and I would like to know is, is there any other place we could go to in case the GP dismisses us as neurotic parents which was the case a lot of the time with our old GP's, although not with our new GP's who we have been with a couple of months. We just want to be on the 'ball' IYSWIM.

Also if there are any other parents that have been through this with their DC could you give us any advice please.

Finally, is there anything that we could do to help DD1? I have learnt techniques which help me deal with my anxiety and OCD. I'm not sure though if they are the correct way to help an almost 7 year old.

Sorry for the long essay I seem to have written and thank you in advance.

You can ask your GP to refer you to CAHMS: Child mh services. You could also try private child psychology, as CAHMS is a long wait.

Thank you.

I will ask the GP is she will refer DD. In the meantime though if the waiting list is a long one how would you recommend I decide on a good private child psychologist? I have just done a quick search and found that there are some in our area but I don't want to send DD to them unless Dh and I can 'vet' them IYSWIM. I think what I am trying to say is I don't want to just send her off to anyone.
I'm not making much sense am I!

I think maybe some-one BACP and counselling registered? I've had private counselling before, and always used people BACP registered. I'm trained as a counsellor (but not registered). Is there an association, maybe? I'm not sure. Maybe some-one else can come along and help there....

Hi there, your message could have been about my own 8 year old up to a point, except she started lip licking which became a habit we have yet been able to break (3 years on!) because we did not recognise it was in any way linked to mental health initially (we were thinking allergies etc) we went through GP/Dermatologist etc etc to eventually be referred to CAHMS. We were warned of a 3 month wait but actually an appointment came up quickly. I'm sure that depends on what area you are in though.

A couple of useful coping mechanisms we have been given are a worry bag, so you have a bag at the end of their bed and anything that is worrying them that day (like getting 1 wrong in test etc!) goes in the bad and then Mummy and Daddy take the bag away and the worry becomes theirs not the childs, it's done before bed to stop them worrying about things overnight (but they can write their worry down at any time and pop it in there).

Also we were advised not to keep saying, " it doesn't matter or you've done really well" (my DD will get really upset about getting one wrong in a test rather than being pleased about all those she got right!) instead you let them explain how annoying / frustrating it is and acknowledge that but followed by the idea that lots of annoying / frustrating things happen in life and while you can be fed up for a bit, ultimately you have to get on with it and carry on and accept that the same thing will happen again and again.

I've tried to keep it brief and obviously some of this may not apply to your situation but just wanted to share and let you know you are not alone!! x

Hi Queen Vick - I think you have diagnosed your DD - certainly sounds like anxiety and OCD but I am no medic. There is CAMHS yes and I suppose that would be your first port of call - as katkins says a referral from your GP, but yes there can be a long wait. I think CAMHS is a mixed bag (they are the old Child Guidance people) and it very much depends on the actual person you get as to the quality of the service.

I'm not sure what site you were on when you found private child psychologists but if it was something like the BACP website (British Association of Counsellors and Therapists) then anyone on that site is properly qualified and accredited as that is a condition of being able to advertise on that site. Given your DD is so young you would obviously meet with the psychologist first - presumably to explain the problems, and so would be able to "get a feel" for the person.

I can't help thinking though that 7 is so very young for psychology of any sort. Have you thought of play therapy? Again there is a list of registered play therapists but I'm not sure what it's called but I'm sure you would find it on Google.

I was just about to suggest alternative therapies eg art therapy, play therapy etc

In my experience, the CAMHS wait isn't too long if referred from a dr. The label as such isn't too important, it's the strategies and coping mechanisms that will help her and you the most. Good luck

Thank you everyone for replying. I love the idea of the worry bag olimogadoodle, I will start that tonight

I like the idea of play therapy or art therapy for her, I am going to look into that a bit more once I get the chance tonight.

Thank you all so much for your advice, I appreciate it very much and no doubt I will be back with more questions as they occur to me.

Queen Vick, I'm sorry to hear your dd is suffering. The great thing is though, that you have been able to recognise this now. I have ocd and when I think about how much better I could have been if I had intervened earlier and really done CBT techniques...well, it would have avoided battling years of ingrained thought patterns.

I think at seven it may be possible to cheer her, distract her and improve her condition quite quickly. I would just make sure that techniques are being learnt, alongside any distraction or reassurance, to help her develop some 'resistance' to ocd as otherwise it will continue to sneak in when it can, as you probably know.

I think that traditional exposure and response prevention is used for children but in a slightly different way, obviously it has to be approached differently. Some self help books have sections specifically on ocd in children, also ocd action or ocd uk may have some advice.