I don't want to talk any more

[Boomerwang]

It seems that lately, everything I say upsets someone, or makes someone angry, or dismissive, or irritated. When I talk to my daughter, she ignores me whether I'm calling her a good girl or asking her not to do something. I never shout at her, in fact I hardly put any effort into my voice at all.

When my dp asks me what I think about his new plant or decoration or something I never tell the truth. I just say it's lovely. As I look around me, there is nothing in this house which has my stamp on it. If I say 'I don't like it' he simply says 'you don't like anything' so I just say... 'it's lovely'

I'm negative about everything. Nothing is nice, or good, or pleasing. People are not responding to me in a way that I like. They feel it necessary to tell me what I already know about myself. I have alienated my only friend, my partner, his family and pretty soon my own daughter.

So, since I have nothing nice to say, should I say nothing at all?

You don't sound like you are in a good place OP. Do you have anyone who is supportive in RL? Have you spoke to a GP about how you feel? You certainly shouldn't say nothing at all. Your thoughts and feelings are as valid as anyone elses.

I tried a GP before, and was referred to a counsellor. He told me I needed to leave the country if I wanted to be happy, which isn't an option. I didn't feel I had been helped, although it was good to be able to talk.

I can't talk to my own family as I promised not to upset my parents any more. They hate that I moved away so far and that my relationship has broken down. Last time I visited them my father told me that my mum was up all night worrying about me from time to time. He told me if I continue to stay with my partner then I should never let on if things get bad as it wasn't fair on them.

I lost my friend through something stupid and now it's got to a stage where it's been so long that I don't even want her back in my life.

I'm thinking more dark thoughts lately. Last time it was that bad was just before I started taking AD's, about 5 years ago. I really can't be bothered with anything any more.

Are you still taking the AD's? If not maybe its worth giving them a go again? I am sorry you are feeling like this.

I'm still on them. I'm thinking about seeing the doctor and asking for a stronger prescription. I've been going through scenarios in my head, which is typical of myself when I am depressed.

If I wasn't around, my ex would take our daughter and move in with his parents which would be much cheaper and he'd have childcare sorted out. He could move on and find someone he loves and she's still young enough to not remember me.

The only problem with that is I won't get to see her grow up, and I really want to. That's why I'm still around.

I definitely think going back to the doctor is a good idea. If you weren't around your DD would have a massive Mum shaped hole in her life. That is not a role that anyone else can take on, however many other people love her. However you feel right now never doubt that little girl needs you desperately. I really hope things start to improve for you soon!