Feeling low, unsure what to do next? (long)

[meltingdaisychains]

Hi to anyone who ends up reading this- just very unsure on what to do with myself at the moment and ending up writing this here on mumsnet.

For a little bit of background info, I'm a 17 year old girl and I guess I'm really struggling with my wellbeing at the moment. I can't go into details due to someone close to me being on mumsnet regularly, but over the years I've had a lot of issues with family ect which has really impacted on me, and a lot of emotions have been building up over the past 2 or so years.

My self esteem is awful, I constantly feel I'm not good enough for anybody and hate the way I look/my weight.

I haven't felt happy for so long now and have fallen in with a group of people who (although I love and appreciate) slowly brought in alcohol and smoking pot as a way of feeling happy.
I've had support from school, and am having meetings with a absolutely lovely lady from a wellbeing service that deals with young people and alcohol/drugs but I still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

To cut a long story short, I'm just so unhappy. I feel so low all of the time, with no energy to do anything, or speak to other people. I just want to sleep all the time to make the days go quicker, and increasingly have moments where I'll suddenly start crying without really understanding why.

My student support officer at school has suggested going to the doctors about anti-depressants, but I'm afraid of going alone, with no idea how to explain the way I feel and in some way I guess I'm afraid that I'll be told I'm not unhappy enough for medication, which will lead me to feel even worse.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for in response to this. I suppose I just want someone to tell me everything will be alright in the end, or even a suggestion to make myself happy, because alcohol and drugs is only making it worse because of the regret afterwards.

I'm so sorry this is so long, and I appreciate anyone who responds!

Hello melting

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you have taken the first step to dealing with it by writing about it here. I'd love to tell you that everything will be alright in the end, but you are the only person who can guarantee that by seeking some help and changing some of your behaviours. It sounds to me as though you've already recognised that the alcohol and drugs may be contributing to your feelings of unhappiness and low self-esteem.

If you feel comfortable with the lady from the wellbeing service, might she be able to help you to see a doctor? You could take a printout of what you have written above if you don't feel able to say it all when you get there.

Most of all I want to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling this way. There are lots of people who can help you in real life, as well as online resources. Take a look at the Young Minds website here for a start, and see if there is any advice that you feel you can relate to.

You say you've had lots of issues with family over the last couple of years, but if there is anyone inside your family you can trust with this, then they are by far the best person for you to turn to. Please try to tell someone how you are feeling - if not a family member then a trusted teacher. I'd recommend an adult rather than one of your peers - you need someone who can support you in a practical way and follow through.

I write this as the mother of a 19 year old DD who didn't tell us how low she was feeling two years ago, and suffered alone for longer than I can bear to think. She's doing really well now, having had professional help in the form of counselling. However, she has said on many occasions that she wishes she hadn't kept everything bottled up and hidden from her family for so long. I hope that by sharing this I will have encouraged you take some positive action to get better very soon.

Please do post again if you need to. There are lots of listening ears here.