Self esteem and MH problems

[fluffydressinggown]

I hope it is ok to post this while I also post on the village thread.

I have really low self esteem. I am a real perfectionist and constantly hold myself up to standards I cannot possibly meet despite everyone around me saying how well I am doing.

I have a diagnosis of BPD and I am doing DBT but it doesn't really deal with this. It helps you be more assertive but I am actually quite assertive. I also have a CPN who is doing compassionate mind therapy with me and I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.

I just constantly second guess myself and beat myself up for every.single.thing. I feel very low about having MH problems and feel like it is all my fault. At work I seek a lot of reassurance because I am so convinced I can't do it, every time someone asks me for a word I panic that I am in trouble even though I never am. I never feel like I am good enough and my CPN says that until I start to be emotionally kinder to myself I will never get fully better.

I look after myself physically and I don't self harm any more but I am just so hard on myself. I worry endlessly and constantly criticise myself.

Does anyone else feel like this? How have you tackled this?

Fluffy I remember your threads from last year. You must be a very strong and brave person to have come through such a tough time. I hope you are proud of what you have achieved. Don't underestimate yourself.

Not sure if the below will help but I always used to be very self critical and doubt myself. Not so much anymore. Things that have helped me are:
-Judging myself/my behaviour as I would a good friend's (being kind or at least neutral rather than hyper critical.)
-knowing that DH/my family love me and they are not stupid! Trusting their excellent judgement over mine.
-Knowing I am not perfect but I can be true to myself and do my best.

You can do this. Am rooting for you.

Thank you :) I don't really feel very brave or strong, especially as I am having a bit of a crisis at the moment! See this is me being harsh again!

Thinking about how a friend would see me is a great way to think of things, thank you for that advice :)

Yeh it is not easy and I think it takes time for brains to unlearn the habit of constant negative affirmations. For every negative thing you think about yourself you have to think of a positive thing to counter it. (Even if they are little things like 'I make a good cup of tea' 'I made DP smile at supper') until the positive affirmation becomes habit instead.

Honestly though, you really are brave and strong. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can!