How can I help a friend suffering from an eating disorder?

[BertieBotts]

I am not geographically close and it's really hard without being able to support her directly :(

She's seen the doctor but doctor is being not that helpful and just saying she will prescribe weight gain shakes if she drops under 7 stone. She's already dropped extremely dramatically and her behaviours around eating and exercise are problematic. I don't understand why she isn't being referred to any services? They've finally talked about a support group which I'm encouraging her to go to.

She has two young children and is a single parent so I'm not just concerned for her health but because if she were to end up in hospital or in a unit I don't know what would happen with the children? The father is a waste of space.

What can I do? And what should I be saying when she messages me saying really awful stuff that just makes me want to fly home and force feed her (I know this isn't helpful and I wouldn't!)

The eating disorder is most likely her coping mechanism for emotional trauma that she is experiencing. The best thing you can do is just be there for her and listen to her, non judgementally, and encourage her to seek more help. It sounds like she would really benefit from one to one counselling as well as the support group.

Depending on where she lives she may be able to refer herself for counselling online, although the wait list is usually long. If she has the means, she could go and see a private therapist before things get very serious.

She doesn't have much money, she doesn't have a job so just on benefits at the moment. So I think anything paid is out.

I agree it's a coping mechanism but she is literally starving herself to death, with the figures she has given me, I honestly don't know how much longer she can keep this up before she gets seriously ill.

What kind of online counselling is there? She's in England I don't think I said. There's a unit near her recently opened but I think it's a residential unit and I don't think she would voluntarily leave her children.

You can't, it's her choice. It really is a personal thing, just offer support there is nothing you can do. When we are in the grip of it nothing will help, not ip, not food, not even kind words from friends - it has the centrifugal force of a black hole. I know this, only too well.

It depends on how far she's gone. I danced on the cliff for years, I wouldn't say I enjoyed the attention but others concerns just fed it. Concern was like food for me.

I would liken it to alcoholism, the only one who can sort it out is the one in the situation. I am 5'2" just above 7 stone and been involved with a MH crisis team today, my weight wasn't even an issue (they didn't bat an eyelid) you literally have to be skeletal to get help in the UK. Ask her to contact BEAT if she needs to reach out.