Do u ever get anxious about feeling anxious?

[lemonmarmalade]

I have been suffering with horrible anxiety for just over a year, actually probably much much longer but a year ago is when it started having a much bigger impact on my life.

I left my full time job because I couldn't cope with the feelings of panic. I thought it was because I was unhappy at with the job and working full time. I then started a part time low stress job and felt much worse, I lasted a couple of months and felt horrific. I tried sertraline and fluoxetine at this point both made me feel absolutely awful.

A few months later I managed to get another part time job. I lasted less than a week, I was waking in the early hours having panic attacks and just fell to pieces again.

I now have a job interview on Friday, I really want this job I really really want it to work this time. I was so pleased when they called and offered me an interview, so why did I yet again have a massive panic attack last night?

I feel like I'm so worried about feeling anxious that that's the very thing that it causing the anxiety if that makes sense.

I feel like I'm setting myself up to fail, I don't know what to do to break the cycle.

I have beta blockers (propanolol) to try now, but they didn't help much last night.

I feel like such a massive failure

You are not a massive failure. Think how much harder it is to try to lead a normal life when you suffer from anxiety compared to someone who doesn't? Personally I think that some of the most courageous and strong people I know are those that battle on with anxiety.

If you think about it logically, of course you're going to be anxious about the anxiety and panic attacks as they feel utterly horrible. It does sound like you need help to understand what exactly is causing the initial anxiety. Do you have any idea what is causing it?

I think the initial anxiety is social anxiety and very low self esteem. I don't really like being away from home but feel like if I don't push myself I will end up as a recluse.

The panic attacks are just so hard to cope with

Yes this is the main form my anxiety takes. I know there is nothing wrong but it feels like there is so I worry etc. leaving your job has made you feel like you don't have control over anxiety but you DO. The "treatment" for anxiety would be to expose you to the things you're afraid of so going back to work and learning how to manage panic is exactly the right thing to do. Things that help me are:

Colleagues can't tell that you're panicking
Panic always goes away
You can't think of two things at the same time so distraction works v well for panic
Avoidance maintains distress. So face the fears and know that anxiety CANT hurt you even though it feels like it can.

That is just what I need to be told bigpaw. Hiding at home is not making me better, I need to keep reminding myself that the anxiety cannot hurt me and it WILL pass.