Hi guys,
Have NC.
I can feel myself going down again. I say 'again' - I was severly depressed about 6 years ago, on various tablets and ended up in hospital for a couple of nights. The tablets didn't really help - Prozac exhausted me and whatever they then put me on was a nightmare. Made me want to scratch my mind out. Hence hospital.
I can feel myself going that way again. Things in my life are going out of my control. My job's in danger, and the only alternatives are much lower in pay, but I'm being strongly 'encouraged' to apply anyway. Things in my job I've done for years, and had responsibility for, are now being taken over by my boss. I know there are reasons for this but at the moment logic is not being accepted by my brain.
The guy I refer to as 'DP' on this site isn't, not really. More a good friend / FWB. Only that side has died, which isn't helping. He's said he'll support me if my income goes down. I know he will (I've been supporting him for years so it's only actually fair) but there's still some uncertainty. Again, my non-logical brain just wants to panic. Plus, he might have to move away from the area in the new year and I'm really not looking forward to that. Again, it's something else out of my control.
My relationship with my family is not great (not that they'd say that, I don't think). My mother (only surviving parent) is scared of my sibling, so their needs are put over my own. I can't tell my mother stuff cos she 'has to tell X, they're your sibling', even when I ask / beg her not to.
I need some coping strategies to get through the next while. I had a counsellor for two years but the practice closed. I could go and see her anyway, but her other job is a teacher and it's a rather hectic time of the year just now. Waiting lists for anyone else are horrendously long.
I realised things were getting worse when I started day-dreaming about suicide again. I'm not going to do anything, but I don't want to have it in my thoughts in any shape or form.
So, I need to be able to grasp the uncertainty of the next few months and face it head on, rather than run away which is what I partly feel like doing. Can anyone recommend anything?