Supporting people through MH issues

[Futurebird]

Me and OH split up a few months ago. He's now starting to think that we've made a mistake and should try again. Today he's really really opened up to me and told me some, frankly disturbing, things which have been on his mind for the last few years and which drove our relationship to go the way it did.

He told me things today which he's never mentioned before and I think now he has a serious condition (maybe an eating disorder, or some form of OCD). I think priority number one is to get him proper treatment and I want to be there to support him through it. But I'm also really nervous about getting back together with him, in case he never recovers and we go back to how we were (both sad).

I love him very much and miss him a lot. Is it possible to work through these things and repair a relationship?

Did you split up specifically because of the affect a MH issue he's always had but has never acknowledged/understood has had on him?

That does actually sound plausible to me, that he could suddenly 'come to' and understand why he behaves the way he does (rather than him making shit up to manipulate into going back to him), realising what he's lost could have made him think about the way he is and why he's behaving as he does.

Which is a good thing, because it means you mean so much to him that not being with you has made him re-evaluate who he is.

What kinds of things does he do? What disturbed you about what he said? (I have OCD and it can provoke very disturbing thoughts, but not ones that are based in anyone else's reality, ie that you're going to act on IYSWIM.)

Just from your short OP it's clear that you care for him, and of course it's possible that you could work things through if you're prepared to take that risk.

What about if you set up definite boundaries around how things are going to play out? Like him getting help for himself off his own back and without prompting, or that you'll give it so much amount of time (weeks/months) before reassessing whether you're happy with how things are going (you don't have to discuss this bit with him, it could be your own measurement).

How happy are you without him in your life? If you feel better and as though a weight has been lifted then it's best not to get back with him just because you feel a responsibility or sorry for him, (although I understand they're not emotions you can easily untangle from everything else you feel for him).

I would say that the main reason we split up is that he was very very depressed and couldn't live with us any more. When he left he said, he's unhappy and doesn't love me. He's since said that actually, he does love me, very much, but that he was so unhappy in many things in his life, that this was seemingly an easy thing to get away from (as opposed to work for example) .

We weren't happy for a long time because we wouldn't communicate. He'd sit and sulk, I wouldn't ever question anything for fear of him leaving or sulking or blowing up at him.

Some of the thoughts... That he was about to get cancer, that he was going to die in certain places. Things about his looks, that he's going bald (he's really really not), that nobody could find him attractive.

Boundaries are a good idea. He wouldn't have seen the doctor without me promoting it because he didn't realise how severe his issues are, until he told me some of his thoughts, nor did I!

That's a good point about how I'm feeling. When he left there was relief because he's quite oppressive to have about sometimes, he's moody and controlling. But i feel like a lot of that is him being insecure because of his mental health. He's wonderful in many ways and actually I think it's only recently that it's been really bad.

I feel like now isn't the right time to say yes or no for sure, I just want him to get better and then we can decide. I know it's a long road, but I think it'll be ok. I just have no idea how he'll be once he starts treatment.

I think it's body dysmorphic disorder he has to be honest.