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Mental health

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Can I have opinions of what is the matter with me please?!

6 replies

buttonortwo · 26/08/2014 12:08

Ok, just want to know if anyone else has experienced symptoms like mine and how to cope. May go to gp however have been on ads in the past and would like to avoid them if possible, find better coping mechanisms. I'm a single parent now divorced with an ok job, mortgage, fairly intelligent. Despite that I have become involved in a destructive relationship with a chap with previous 'issues' and was divorced by his ex wife for unreasonable behaviour and domestic violence. People deserve a second chance yes? Well I feel utterly trapped and controlled. Bombarded, begged, criticised etc. he has threatened me with suicide. I'm not coping v well. I keep functioning and going to work but I'm numb, feel like I push people away, no one knows. My life isn't feeling real. I feel terrible guilt I've let him down but it is affecting my mental well being. He also describes himself a 'mess'.. I cannot describe what's happened. I'm trying to get back normality, my fight or flight response has kicked in. I'm jumpy, looking over my shoulder to see if he is there, so upset. But I seem to go into denial. I can't be with him, I wish I could and it was different. Mentally, my emotions are all over, I can't keep tack of thungs, my mind goes blank etc I feel on and off numb. How do I get better, what will help? I'm excercising and eating ok but I'm constantly in alert mode.. So unhappy

OP posts:
temporaryusername · 26/08/2014 20:25

I'm not criticising at all here, but I would never personally give a man with a history of domestic violence a second chance. This was not your fault, you haven't let him down. He sounds like he does need help, but not from you, from professionals.

I think you need to give yourself time to recover. I would go to the GP to and see what might help you get through this. I would consider posting on the relationships board about where to access counselling or support to help you come to terms with things and feel better. They will know. It may also help you to avoid this type of relationship in the future.

For now, focus on yourself. No self-blaming. You've been feeling threatened and you have the right to do what it takes to make yourself feel safe. I hope someone who knows more comes along to help you. If you feel able to say a bit more about his behaviour or whether he is still trying to contact you it might help, and also - the relationships board will have some advice on recovery.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/08/2014 20:27

What's the matte with you? Probably nothing, you are in an abusive relationship and can't see a way to get out. If you did you might find your symptoms disappear.

I agree, get over to relationships and get help to leave this complete bastard.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 26/08/2014 20:32

There's nothing the matter with you other than you're stuck in a relationship with an abusive controlling arsehole.

You're walking on egg shells because of HIM.
You're stressed and edgy because of HIM.

Remove him from the equation and it may take you a while to get over it, but he's the canker that needs removing rather than you changing yourself.

Preciousbane · 26/08/2014 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttonortwo · 29/08/2014 16:33

Thanks so much for your replies. My anxiety levels have dropped since no contact but am now left with that awful heavy feeling, teary, miss the good bits, ( there were some) .. Tye domestic violence was one incident, I had to trust what he told me but it also happened to me.. Once and was alcohol fuelled. I'm making excuses for him aren't i. Think it is going to take me a long time to get over, self esteem rock bottom. But thank you for believing in me, was/is seriously affecting my mental health. I wish I was in a room with you all in real life, thing is I probably wouldn't admit it, but I know it's what I need.

OP posts:
temporaryusername · 29/08/2014 18:35

They might have seemed like good bits, but they weren't really, because they could only come attached to the rest of him and the bigger picture. The best thing you could have done for your self - esteem is to tell yourself you deserve better, and reinforce it by getting out of the relationship. Which you've done, which is really good. Do go and ask for help with recovery if you need it - again the relationships board would probably know about resources, or your GP or Women's Aid perhaps.

Well done Thanks

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