There's a huge amount going wrong in my life at the moment and I'm really frightened. My self harm has got bad again, I cannot face going to the hospital as the team are very very judgemental of anyone over teenage years who self harms (e.g comments like 'grow up') and I also worked there.
Last time I went, had attempted suicide, it was so horrendous I swore I would never go back. I haven't. But now the mental health team have decided I'm mentally fit and healthy and have no problems. When I went I was attention seeking, now I'm not I'm lying 
A friend of mine, who has thankfully now gone (as in gone abroad for a month) accused me of being delusional and paranoid, we argued before she left first thing this morning. I'm not delusional or paranoid, I knew once my solicitor could no longer be involved and dropped my case for community care and support the mental health team, social services and landlord would turn on me and they have. Mental health and social services are telling me to contact each other (which was happening before), calling me a liar about my physical needs (as before, despite drs contacting them to say I do have physical needs) and my landlord has begun demanding I attend appointments about 'serious issues', without anyone with me, but refuse to tell me what they are.
My ESA stops soon because I wasn't sent a renewal form and cannot manage a telephone.
I can't hear properly anymore because I'm getting constant low level static, I've barely slept since Sunday and even the Samaritans didn't want to know - spoke to them for 10 minutes an hour ago.
I can't bear going through this again. I nearly died last time things were this bad, and they are, it gone behind chronically feeling low, and I spent weeks in hospital with staff complaining that I'd made another attempt, I can't bear going anywhere near the hospital or any hospital.
I feel like I'm losing it. I've a. GP appointment tommorow but it feels so far away. 24 hours is a huge amount of time when you don't sleep.
Can anyone here relate? Understand?