I have had depression for years. I can't think of a time in the last 15 years that I have been truly content and happy within my own mind.
I'm 25 and I was bullied daily at school from primary 7, right through high school until I left aged 15 with hardly any qualifications. I couldn't take it and the teachers did not help, they didn't take it seriously.
It's really damaged my self esteem and confidence. I'm scared to leave the house most days because I think people are staring at me, it's affecting my dds because I won't go to the park or to soft play or anything.
I have no energy, I feel deflated, tired from fighting a losing battle against the mirror and on the days I get myself dressed and ready to go out, I spend the whole time wondering what passers by are thinking when they see me.
It's horrible.
I recently started a new job and it's helped a bit, getting out the house and feeling like I have a purpose.
I have awful mood swings. I am a nasty horrible person when I'm in a mood and take it out on DP, who has tried his best to support me but doesn't know what to do.
I feel like a cloud is hanging over me all the time.
Last time I went to see my gp i was 16 and told to get more fresh air and I'd be fine. I felt like I was wasting his time and I am wondering if it's still the same attitude towards depression.
I usually think about suicide every other day and the only thing stopping me is my kids.
I have taken 2 overdoses in the past, most recently October last year where my stomach was pumped and I survived after 80 Co codomal tablets. I was very lucky and it made me see that I don't want to die, I just want to be happy and normal.
Any advice would be appreciated