Horrible crashing depression, on my own with the DCs and really scared

[ElPolloDiabolo]

I've had depression for years, usually mild, sometimes moderate. Always ultimately manageable. I've been on 20g fluoxetine for a few months as I felt it coming back in a fairly mild way, thought I'd head it off at the pass but it didn't work this time.

The last couple of days it's been like I'm on a beach, watching a tidal wave coming towards me and I can't move. Now it's here, it's crashed and I'm a wreck. Can't speak above a whisper, moving in slow motion, can't focus, eat or drink.

I've got two boys in the front room, 5 and 2. Watching TV, occasionally beating each other up, climbing the walls, needing to get out and I can't move.

I'm frightened

08457 90 90 90

Phone The Samaritans

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.

Phone your GP. Likelihood is they will be able to prescribe some short term meds to get on top of this fast and you will feel much better.

Your are strong and will get through this.

Well done for posting on here you realise you need help, have you got contact with anybody within mental health services who, you can speak to now? Or do you have any family/friends who could watch your DC while you get an emergency GP appointment? Please seek advice today!

1. Is there someone in RL you can speak to?
2. Can the kids play with a friend/granny take them to the park/library?
3. Call your doc for an emergency appt (this isn't 'you' its the 'Harold'/black dog/black hole/stalker... whatever you call it)
4. Keep busy. Pop a dvd on for the kds - something funny - amd make yourself do some boring housework, or gardening if you have a garden.

Did you stop the meds? If not, it sounds like your prescription needs reviewing. Have you been offered any councelling/therapy?

Hang in there. Think about when you did feel happy/nornal/yourself. You can get back there.

Thank you everyone.
I've called the GPs who are going to ring me back. I don't have anyone who could look after the DCs if they want me to go to the surgery though.

I feel very odd, like I'm not really here.

The GP called back and I sobbed down the phone at her. I have an appointment this afternoon. Then I did something else. I called my dad and told him that I needed help with the boys today.

He's coming over straight away. I've never really told him about my illness and now it's all going to come out and I don't know what to say. He's pretty old-school, although a very kind man. He's not good at talking about feelings and will feel monumentally awkward when faced with a sobbing, blithering adult daughter.

Hi, you do not have to tell your Dad about depression if you do not want to. You can just say you are struggling in school holidays with two young dc - and that is enough in itself.

Well done for getting help. Good luck with the GP this afternoon. Hopefully your dad will surprise you, and rise to the challenge. He sounds like a nice, kind man who will be a good practical support.

With all the recent news about Robin Williams, I am sure that your dad will understand just how awful it is - not just 'feeling down' or something that you can 'snap out of'.

Dad was really good. My 2yo ran up to him at the door and said "mummy crying" so it was tricky to skirt the issue..

The GP has diagnosed me with severe clinical depression and upped my fluoxetine and referred me for one on one talking therapy, although the waiting list is apparently huge.

I feel better than this morning. Good to have a diagnosis. Thanks everyone.

Have you any private healthcare or work/union healthcare?

Good things are also:
exercise (damn those hormonmes),
eating a high protien diet,
cut down/our sugars, refined foods and caffeine,
try meditation/yoga/visualisation, breaking away from people who make you feel bad (if they mean to or not),
making yourself speak to people outside (even a quick 'hello' to the guy in the newsagents)
Find some good distractins - crossword, knitting etc