not sure where to start

[DepressedMom]

I think I am getting depressed again. I've had depression in the past and had pills from the GP for it though they didn't help as they made me feel suicidal. She prescribed some different ones, I forget which, but they made me feel abnormally happy, really bouncy, happy type of cheerful and I didn't like the artificial feeling so I stopped taking them about 2 years ago.

Now I think my depression is coming back. I lie awake at night worrying and wake in the morning and think it's going to be like this until I die.

I'm fine when I get going in the mornings, it's just those initial waking up and going to bed feelings but I am hoping this isn't the start of it coming back again.

Morning, It sounds as though you are recognising the familiar feelings creeping up on you again. I wonder if you can try and find some things that might just hold it off from spiralling.
Maybe try and do some exercise or get out to do something you enjoy.

When you are in the thick of bad depression it is hard to motivate yourself to do anything and this kind of advice is fairly useless. But if you are just beginning to feel low these types of things might just give you enough of a lift.
Have you had some counselling or cbt? You could try to access some talking therapies now to nip it in the bud so to speak.

I hope my advice doesn't sound too light and fluffy. Believe me, I do speak with experience of this. Myself and my Dh suffer with depression. Unfortunately his is beyond this kind of advice until he gets sorted with his meds first.

Its quite well documented that ADs can cause suicidal thoughts to develop or worsen in the early days of treatment. If you take them again, please make sure you make your loved ones aware of how you feel so they can keep you safe.

I hope you can get some help, I really wish you well.

Thank you. Unfortunately I don't have loved ones around me so it's just me to support myself. I'm going out all day today rather than staying in, a long country walk will hopefully blow a few cobwebs away.
I haven't had any counselling recently, I've had it before but distraction works better for me.
Thank you. Sorry that you and your DH have been through depression.