I don't know if I'll explain this very well, I feel a bit all over the place.
I have a very tiring 3 year old. He does not stay still and EVERYTHING is a faff and takes ages to get done. I know he is a normal 3 year old but it's so constant.
I work full time, as does DH, and we are permanently tired. I can't snap out of it. I remember a time I used to get up and go to the gym on a weekend morning (I don't drink much) but I just have no get up and go these days.
Nevertheless I tend to think that the lack of energy is fairly normal for someone working full time and having an excitable 3 yo.
However when I'm at work I feel depressed. I do a computer-based job and it is a very faffy job - deadlines don't match with other people's but there's nothing can be done about it. The job is very busy March-November and about half of this is reacting to changes (sorry hard to explain). I know this is the nature of the job but it's really starting to drive me mad. There are 3 in my office but some days we barely speak and often don't see other people or when we do they are just bringing problems.
Having said that, the people are lovely, the pay is good and the job is very accommodating and flexible to parents.
I can't leave/reduce hours as I can't afford a pay cut. But I sit here every day feeling so low. I don't feel like myself. I put on a happy face when people ring/come in but I just don't care any more. I have suffered from depression in the past and this feels just like it. I find it really hard to concentrate and even the parts of the job I really like don't inspire me anymore. I sit here worrying (also prone to anxiety) that I am not doing things right - the job, life, parenting. It's hard to find time to see friends, family (normal I know) and I fantasize about winning the lottery. Not much but enough to work part time and have some time to do something worthwhile.
And I think FFS there are such shit things happening to people in the world and I am so so so lucky. But it doesn't help, I just feel like a failure for not being able to be happy and feel so sad for the people who are having to deal with the shit and it overwhelms me.
Anyway. If you got this far thanks for listening, I don't end up talking about it as it kind of passes when I leave work and I think 'aah it'll be ok' or I just don't have time or energy to think about it. I need a job where I am not alone with my thoughts I suppose.