I dont know what is wrong with me

[ahfuckit]

I am really struggling and I don't know where to turn. I am usually an emotional person, but recently my mood swings have become severe. I can be fine one minute and raging the next.
I have just had an argument with my partner. I came home and destroyed an original irreplaceable oil painting that I love. I feel like I am going out of my mind.
I a m now home alone with my 5 year old DD trying to be normal but feeling anything but.
So as not to drip fed I have suffered two bereavements this year and had recent hard hitting diappointmrents at work. I have also been alcohol dependent for most if my adult life but have drank next to nothing since the end of March.
I don't want to feel this way and I will try to get a doctors appointment on Monday, but in the meantime I feel I want to hur myself, and I don't remember feeling so bad before.

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time, but well done on staying off the booze. It does sound like stress has, understandably, got too overwhelming for you. I think anyone would be struggling with what you have been through lately. Make sure you get that doctor's appointment, let them know what's been going on and they should be able to sort out the right help for you.

Thank you so much for responding. I can't stop crying and I'm really worried about the effect on my daughter (although she seems fine at the moment).

So sorry you are having such a tough time. Have you suffered from mental health problems in the past - 2 bereavements in a year is going to take its toll - loss is almost always the root cause of depression. How long have you been having these mood swings. Prolonged bouts of crying are a symptom of depression but you really need to see a GP as soon as you can and make sure you "tell it how it is" - sometimes it's easier to write down your symptoms in a list and hand it over, or use it as an aide memoir when you are at the surgery.

Is your partner sympathetic (apart from the row you had earlier on - presumably about the painting?) will he be supportive. Do you have anyone in RL you can call on for some support until you can be seen by a GP. Is there anyone who can care for your DD for a few days or will her dad care for her while you are feeling so bad.

Mental illness is a torment - an absolute torment and unless you have experienced it, you can't understand it, or even describe how bloody awful it is.

Hope you can see your GP soon and get some help.

Thank you for your kind wise words Nana. I called a close friend and managed to talk it through a bit which helped. The row was a bout something unrelated to the painting. It was kind of a damage an object or damage myself situation. Weird that I chose my favourite material possession. Have never really suffered with any mental health issues other than what I would describe as mild depression that comes and goes. Not sure yet how sympathetic my partner will be. Generally he is supportive... Mood swings have been grim for the last week or two.

Glad you were able to talk to a close friend as telling someone else who you can trust how awful you feel somehow lessens the pain a bit in most cases I think. Mondays are always really busy at GP surgeries as they have to cope with everything that happened over the weekend, so it might be best to wait till Tuesday, although it does depend on the appointment system at your surgery. You do definitely need to see a GP though and get a diagnosis and treatment.

Let us know how you get on and hope your partner is able to be supportive. Are you having to go into work or can you ask the GP to sign you off sick for a time to give you a break from work as that seems to be stressful too. No one is indispensable and you need to put yourself first as stress of any kind is going to exacerbate your symptoms.

Sounds tough :( Your GP should be able to offer you a referral to a mental health service. Might be worth a go? Everyone needs support sometimes.

Hi, I didn't want to read and run, and really hope you're feeling better and have arranged to see someone for help. I just wanted you to know you're not alone, I came on this "talk" for some advice or perspective too.

I'm going through a really similar situation and could have almost written your post. I've had 3 family bereavements in a very short space of time as well as having a new baby. I genuinely thought I was coping well up until recently. Now, the effort to just act normally,even with my own children, is exhausting. Like you, I am feeling fine and even positive one minute then utterly numb or consumed by horrible, negative thoughts the next. And these darker moods are getting harder to shake off. I'm also finding the depressing news just overwhelming.

Sorry, I'm beginning to hijack your post. I really didn't mean to, I just wanted you to know that you're not on your own. I'm glad you decided to seek help. Try to talk honestly with your partner so that they really know what is going on. I've done that tonight my DP and will be making an appointment tomorrow with the doctor. Best of luck to you op.