Nothing is good

[ninilegsintheair]

I wasn't sure where to put this but though this topic might be the best place. I'm really struggling and feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Nothing is good, nothing is right and there's no escape anywhere.

My marriage to my emotionally abusive husband is breaking down (have to be careful what I say as he says he's stalking me here although I don't know if I believe him). I've had a lot of good advice from the Relationships board over the last few years and I'm trying to get into a position where I can leave - have DC and pets so not easy to sort.

Our neighbours are hellish, keep us awake with parties, noisy dog etc. Council/police have never been interested and now I want to sell up I don't want to rock the boat anyway. No amount of asking them to keep it down works. They don't care.

My job is going badly. My boss is leaving in a week or so and they're not going to replace him for a few months (if at all) so I'm taking on his work as well as my own. Unions here are ineffectual. No discussion, I'm just expected to cope. I'm already doing the work of 3 people and running on empty.

I barely talk to my family. They all live several hours away, have always been unsupportive and are pretty emotionally abusive themselves. I have few friends here, not able to go out in the evenings. No one I can really talk to.

I'm studying for a work qualification and keep failing the exams despite spending my evenings studying.

I'm in debt. Struggling to pay my way despite a full time job. I'm barely covering essentials. Always worrying about money and I've cut down as much as I can (husband has money so pushes for me to spend what I have on things so I'm paying my way).

I have hoarding tendencies. Getting better but have relapses as I spend when I feel unsafe. Not big amounts of money as I don't have it but mostly on crap like coffee.

I used to self-harm as a teen and felt myself slipping lately so I've been seeing a counsellor through work which is helping but she's on leave for a few weeks.

I don't know what to do. There is nowhere I can feel secure and I can't cope anymore. Help.

I'm sorry you haven't had any replies - I think this is because you are not complaining about mental health issues, although the stress you must be under must be causing you emotional distress.

I think the main thing that strikes me is your need to get away from your emotionally abusive husband. I know it's not easy but I honestly think you need to find the courage to make the break. You say you have had good advice on the Relationships thread "over the last few years"............so you have been in this relationship for a long time. I don't know what your financial position is but sometimes you just have to make the initial break by leaving obviously you need somewhere to stay with your children - do you have any relatives/friends who could have you to stay for a while until things are sorted. If not, Women's Aid can help in a situation like yours - not ideal I know, but the thing is until you actually do something, nothing will change. I assume your H is not going to leave the property. Have you taken legal advice?

You say "there is no escape" but there is..........it will be difficult and it will mean uprooting the children and pets but once you have made that break, you will be on the road to recovery.

You could contact womens aid? They can help with all sorts of the issues that come with leaving a relationship. Things sound so difficult and overwhelming - but you seem strong, if you can carry on like this, you can change your life for the better.

Keep going to counselling and talking here. Things can change.