such a loner!

[mouses]

sitting here in my home whilst the rest of the block (live in communal build) are all outside laughing, eat bbq and drinking......

I feel so alone but at the same time know I couldn't handle socialising, so why bother getting upset? but I do cos I just want to feel ''normal'' and be able to feel like I fit in some where, anywhere

I get annoyed cos most them out side are bitchy, 2 faced, backstabbing [insert swear word!] !!!!!!! and I feel cheated that I bend over backward to not upset any one, behave kind and well mannered (id like to think) yet im the one suffering with mental health sitting alone

I feel like im going through life alone. I have 3dc's but with this illness i feel sometimes they are a burden and too stressful to cope with.
I have days where I would chat away to people, then I go home I get this awful guilt, ashamed that id talked to someone? and tell myself off for doing so?!! in general feel crap and it sets me back.

if I died tomorrow no one would even know I wasnt here.

Sounds like you're having a really tough time. Do you have any support? Any family around?

I have just my kids and dp but we live apart. I have one friend who is in her mid 50's who works and has her grandson and is very busy so don't see her often.

the dc's don't really have friends, just the kids that play out in communal but they're spiteful. we don't have visitors for cups of tea while kids play, social gatherings etc, I don't do well with them any way. but I as much as I moan about it - its my kind of hell to have to stand in room full of people!! so confused. guess I just want to be like every other normal human being.

I know how you feel. I always wish I had more going on socially but then when something actually comes up I get really anxious about it. Not sure what the answer is!
Are you getting any formal support? GP? Psychiatrist? Counsellor?

yes same here, i feel an idiot that i complain about something i choose not to do?!! my head just cant cope with socialising.

i have both a counsellor weekly and psychiatrist every few mnths.

I'd suggest talking it over with your counsellor, but like I said I know how you feel and I'm not sure of a way out.
I force myself into social gatherings and even though I enjoy them at the time, I analyse it all afterwards, convincing myself I did something wrong. Then I dread the next one.

with me it don't even have to be an event, i can be over the park and if gets too busy i start to get abit anxious, especially if theres people i know (not friends just associates) always feel i struggle with a sentence that makes sense when talking to someone.

ive talked it over with my counsellor, she says im my own worse enemy and that i need to change my way of thinking! well that's that sorted then

can you accept yourself as you are, maybe it will reduce your anxiety.
there are many people who are anxious when socializing, it is ok. as you do it you get more confident.
and some people are happy when alone, socialize when you need to maybe.
are you taking any ad's for anxiety?

Im happy in my own company, comfortable i guess as its just less stressful than tying to socialise so I become content with being alone, then flip side is how alone I feel when I do need someone around?

I was taking dosulepin but ran out and not manage to get to gp yet. not that thy were doing much!