All the anger is aimed at the wrong people.. I'm going to lose everyone...

[MyCrazyLife]

I'm so mixed up. Had a horrible childhood and am not ashamed to admit that I HATE my mother. The only thing she did a brilliant job of was messing up my head. She was physically abusive, but the emotional stuff was the worst.

I take it out on DP and the kids. I can be happy, funny, smiley, loving. Then suddenly I can be shouting, insecure, angry, controlling, needy. I'm trying so hard to work at it but I saw her yesterday and then spent the night crying, self harming, trying to force DP awake at 1am to "talk to me". Coincidence?

I have to stop this anger. It never goes away. I'm never truly happy.

I'm going to try going no contact with her again but it's hard because the bitch has access to my children. My most precious things. What if she damages them the way she has me?

I've had some counselling, thought I was better as my social anxiety improved massively but all this shit is still here so I'm going back - could be months though until they have a space.

So sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Not great at advice but hand holding.

I'm sure it's not straightforward but is there a reason your Mother must have access to your DCs?

MyCrazyLife why does your mother have contact with your DCs?

I think if I were you, I'd be asking in whose best interest it is, for my mother to have access to my children.

Certainly not yours, if it leads to you self harming and feeling so wretched.

If your mum having contact with your DCs results in you feeling so dreadful, then the DCs will pick up on this. They need their mum to be as happy and stable as possible, and if contact with your mum threatens that, then it isn't in their best interests either.

And who gives a monkey's arse about you mother's best interests?

I don't care about her interests.

They went to a solictor when I was pregnant with the third. They've only ever been bothered about my first born, but obviously said they want contact with them all. They're rich. They'd have taken it to court.

My solictor said they would very very likely be given access by a judge as when I was a young, single mum I let them look after my baby while I worked (1 night a week!). Even know I told her about my childhood and mothers mental illnesses. Including trying to kill herself whilst co sleeping with my brother.

It killed me. They wanted that control back over me and they got it. I was heavily pregnant and in bed crying every day. I didn't want to go to court. I just wanted it to end. So I agreed to contact - a weekend once a month. Bastards. Sorry for language :(

I remember during the amazing no contact when I bumped into my father in my town. He grabbed my 3 year old son and cried into his hair. Then he gave me a stern warning and said my mother had become very depressed because she wasn't allowed to see my son and a solicitor would be in touch. I was

Can you seek free legal advice? Not heard of grandparents having access rights am afraid.

They can apply for the right to access, and we were told it was highly likely they wouldn't be accepted for it, if that makes sense. Would cost 100s if not 1000s but they've got it.

No legal aid anymore, although I suppose there is the free half hour thing...

can you move away?

DP wouldn't - his friends, family and job are here. He's never lived anywhere else. I would have a year ago, but now I've got some great friends and my son is settled at a good school. Was literally just saying to DP though how that would be a good option.

Actually, my dad is moving abroad in a couple of months. My mum has already told me how she "doesn't know how she'll cope with all three" so hopefully she won't. Interestingly if I TOLD her she wasn't to have the DC she'd soon kick off - it's all mind games and control with her. But I have a controlling edge to my personality, too, and it's awful. I just want to relax about things. I don't want to be anything like her.

if they are going to move away then it is good.

Sorry my didn't realise about the threat of courts etc. Assumed perhaps you were allowing your DCs to have a relationship with their grandparents because you thought it was the fair thing to do, or because you'd been bullied into it (which you have).

Yes to the free half hour appointment.

Is he moving abroad forever? Is there any chance that your mother will follow?

Have you posted in the legal section? Free access to lots of experts over on there! Might help you to get some advice there prior to making the appointment?

How old are your DCs now? I'm thinking if the older two are of an age to know their own minds and make rational decisions, they might soon be in a position to say that they don't want to go.

Only my dad is moving, not my mum. Yes - bullied into it! I tried telling the solicitor this. DC are 5, 3 and 1. They will always want to go I think :( they're very manipulative. Thank you, legal section looks good

Is there anyone in RL who could vouch for you regarding the abuse you suffered as a child?

I know that's a long shot. I Don't understand how all this works, but if someone could write a letter (a sibling,) for example outlining the abuse, that you suffered maybe you would feel that you could stop contact, and have evidence in place just in case they tried to take you to court.

The system truly stinks when things like this can be allowed to happen.

Have you ever told anyone in authority about the abuse? Clutching at straws, but what about if you ask for a home visit with your HV, and start building up a bit of a case against them?

I don't mean for you to take them to court, but for you to put something in place for if they take you to court. That might be just about the worst advice ever, not sure.

Hope you've had some joy from people who know what they're on about .

Hi, haven't posted in legal, been very busy and I don't want to get upset again by having to think about it :(

One of my closest friends said at the time she'd stand up in court if need be. Social services were involved with me as a child. And I've had counselling and even told a midwife about my past, but because I've been "letting" them have the DC for the past 20 months no one would now believe me, if that makes sense? Siblings wouldn't help - one is still under their spell, and the other was the absolute golden child, who can't possibly understand why I hate my mother for doing things like cutting my hands with a knife every time I held my cutlery "wrong".

It is absolutely crap how it works, they said that even if my DP and I split up, and he had 50/50 custody of the DCs, my parents would still be allowed to cut into that time to have access.

Oh crazy

I think people would believe you, but as I've said, I know nothing.

This woman is still ruining your life, and making you be someone you don't want to be.

Please reconsider making an appointment to seek legal advice - just for the free half hour, and posting in legal.

You're upset already, it not's as if by not seeking advice you are happy and problem free. These 2 actions could help. It doesn't mean that you are opening the floodgates for a courtcase.

Thank you, missfitless. It means a lot that you're listening :)

How are you MyCrazyLife?

Hey, I'm ok thank you. Had a bit of a bad morning yesterday, but ok now I think x