feeling completely flat - depressed and on fluoextine

[enormouse]

I was diagnosed with pnd about a week ago and have been put on fluoextine. Don't know why I'm posting really, just need some handholding I guess.

I haven't felt like me for a few months now. I just feel flat and exhausted and unable to cope with my DSes (2.7 and 6months). They are both lovely, wonderful boys who deserve more than I can give right now. I just feel like I've hit a really crap period in my life. I just finished an access course (psychology and behavioural science) and now have a year of nothing before I go to university. I feel resentful of my dp who is about to start an MSc in September.

I was bfing DS2 but it just seemed like I didn't have enough milk for him in the last few weeks and he's gone onto sma. He's much happier and seems satisfied now. So I feel guilty about not being able to bf him for longer and for not putting him on formula sooner.

I am so run down atm I've come down with flu and have come up in eczema. I feel ugly and disgusting. And the fluoextine is making me feel so tired.

Hi johull, I was wondering how you and 'mouse were getting on. It's a shame the cafe was empty, but it was brave of you to go and stay anyway. Maybe go to the park tomorrow? there will probs be lots of mums there, as it's school holidays now. Glad you are feeling a lot better.

I certainly need to keep trying to make mummy friends as I feel I don't have much in common with my old friends anymore. They seem to either have older children or no children! Therefore when they ask 'how has it been' I just give the genetic 'fine' response as I feel they want to tell me about what they've been up to. I think I'll try going to the park it's just my dd is only 8 weeks and I struggle finding mums with baby's the sane age as mine. My daughter was 6 weeks early too so I didn't get a chance to join an NCT group because I knew at 30 weeks she would be out very early. It's not a nice feeling especially when I live 'in my head' 90% of the time.

It is hard and you did really well going to the cafe. Have you had a look at the local pages for what's on? And netmums

I'm the opposite, I hated the mum and baby groups. The women were lovely and it wasn't cliquey but i felt like I didn't fit in - not from the local area, quite young. I'd take Ds1 to baby cinema and just out and about for coffee and preferred that.

Yesterday, I felt well enough to cook dinner. I love cooking and this was the first time I'd made anything in about a month.

This is going to sound weird but it feels like something in me has switched or changed somehow.

I walked into the kitchen and kind of went 'what the fuck? What the hell has been going on up till now?' And put on a load of laundry, did the dishes and made myself a cup of tea. I don't feel down, or bleak or hopeless. Or overwhelmed by the day to day tedious bollocks of laundry/tidying/cooking.

I feel ok again. Something feels like it's changed for the better.

I am elated at this!! Well done you. I think you have come through your depression. You have beaten it which is incredible. It's a bit like waking up after a long sleep, going downstairs and not remembering what's happened the night before. I'm truly thrilled for you. Could it be the flux or just you thinking more positively? Well done!!!!!!!!

Thank you. for the support and encouragement.
It just felt kind of like a switch had flipped. I don't know whether it's the flux or my mindset but it's a welcome change. Dp says the change in me is obvious and he's happy to have old me back.

How have you been today? Have you been out?

Hi yeah I went out today and I did the garden too. It's a passion of mine being in my garden- bloody sound old before my time!!

I will be going for dinner tonight with my DH too and hope to go to a mummy coffee shop in my local village on Monday with the support of a friend of mine who is aware I'm not well ATM.

I'm feeling better and more confident now that my husband is off work but dread him going back. Can't believe I actually enjoyed the weather today. A bit of a turning point I guess.

Has your good mood been sustained? You still feeling ok?

It sounds like you're on the up too. Have a lovely time with your DP- he sounds great btw, very supportive. Just focus on the here and now. Your state of mind will probably be quite different by the time he goes back to work.

Positive mood is still here. We decluttered the house today and the tidyness and space is making me feel much happier. I'm planning an ikea trip to fondle storage furniture and tealights. (How's that for old? I'm only 25)

I've been tentatively looking at the things i was doing before the fog descended and feeling hopeful about them again.

It feels odd to be feeling so positive after the last few weeks. I'm scared it'll go away.

Oooo I love an ikea trip although it can be a very long day and always packed! I'm only 26 bit have been old before my time since I was 10!

I think a de-cluttering is a brilliant way to clear the mind. I love a minimalist house always have. Any mess actually gets me down. I have a cleaner once a week for two hours to help me so I don't have to worry about certain jobs as dd would always wake up just as i out cleaning gloves on.

I'm going back to the gym tomorrow to help me get back to normal. I love the gym and find it relaxing lifting weights and going for a run. Hopefully it'll be as helpful for me as cleaning was for you.

Hi guys, you two sound a bit better now. I've been going on mumsnet for nana training. My DD is getting married next year, they plan to try right after the wedding. I wanted to see how different things might be today, but the issues are exactly the same, strangely reassuring.

I love gardening too! And de cluttering and cleaning was/is defo helpful for me. I'm off on my hols now. Take care of yourselves.

I'm sure you'll be a fantastic nana titabeth. If you're anything like as lovely and supportive as you come across here.
My MIL is wonderful with the DSes and DS1 just adores her. He calls her gaga.

We were supposed to go to Sunday lunch at PILs but both boys would not sleep last night (must have been the heat) and have gone for early naps now. So both Dp and I are zombied out right now. Still feeling ok (with a cup of tea). And the heat has finally broken here.

jo gym sounds fun. I used to do classes like spin and I want to get back into it. Is running hard to get into? I'd quite like to do couch to 5k. Might need to pick your brains on it. Hope you're ok today.

Couch to 5k is on right near with! It's run by Charlotte ord from the Biggest loser. You're not in surrey are you? 5k is easy and I find running outdoors great for feeling down. You get to think about everything and nothing! You should certainly try 1k first. You'll be surprised how easy it is.

No, I'm in NI. I was just thinking of using the app to start running. I live near a forest park which would be perfect.

How have you been over the last few days? Things are much better here.
I'm happier, dp is happier and boys are content.
I got a fruit and veg box yesterday and have started meal planning again. It feels nice to be more on top of things.