Anxiety, feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel

[lemonmarmalade]

Suffering from social anxiety and have been for as long as I can remember, I managed to kinda bury my feelings and just get on with things up up until a year ago when I fell to pieces and left my long term job.

I worked there for over 10 yrs and never made a single friend, I just felt like the weird shy person amongst all my confident colleagues, I don't know how I coped as long as that, I literally just tried (and suceeded) to fade into the background as much as possible.

So over the past year I have tried two different anti d's (sertraline and fluoxetine) horrific side effects with both, I literally couldnt function I felt paralysed with terror and had nausea that had me retching for hours at a time.

About 6 months ago I got a p/t job in a shop, I lasted less than 2 months, because of panic attacks. I've gradually built myself back up again over the last 6 months I've had not working so recently started another new part time job, less than a week in and the anxiety is unbearable again, I've been waking in the early hours with panic attacks.

I saw the gp again and he has prescribed mirtazapine, I am too scared to take it after the side effects last time.

I was referred for therapy a while back and was offered group confidence training, I cannot face group anything.

I feel like my husband is getting fed up with me. I am pretty much okay when my world is kept small I.e. school runs, home, with family. I only have 1/2 friends that I have had from school age, I havent made a single friend in my entire adult life, how pathetic is that.

Sorry for rambling on, I am just sick of being me, too scared to take anti d's, too scared of the therapy on offer, I have tried facing my fears and just fall to pieces. I see no way out of this

Hang in there. Have you asked about CBT? I had it and it's one to one. It helped me build confidence. I was too scared to take the tablets but the Dr told me I had to trust her and eventually I did and the side affects wear off after a week or two. You could try a positive diary. You only have to write one positive thing per day, which can be I got up. I'm about to try hypnotherapy for my anxiety. Is that maybe an option for you?

I'd love to have cbt but it doesnt seem to be offered here, I cant afford to go private. Same for hypnotherapy.

I am really really scared to try the mirtazapine, I felt completely out of control when I tried the others.
I know its a case of trial and error but I need to be able to look after my kids.

I just feel useless and stuck.

Hi there.
I wanted to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I have been where you are now.
And I am 95% better.
I took citalopram - very low doseage for a year without any real success. I started a new job last year and the first day the anxiety went through the roof. I managed to get through the day and went directly to my gp. She switched my tablets to sertraline. I was petrified of trying it. But I felt that I had no choice.
Actually the combination of the anti dep and the job (keeping busy) improved the anxiety.
Don't bother wasting your money on hypnotherapy etc I have tried EVERYTHING there is to try.
Things that worked for me.
Mindfulness - deep breathing exercises, avoiding stressful situations if I can, cbt (fear fighter programme offered on nhs)
Being kind to yourself, learning not to take on to much.

At my worst I couldn't leave the house. I didn't see the point of living. I couldn't see a way out.
This year I am working, travelling abroad, going out.

Honestly you can do it. Good luck. Pm me anytime for advice, or to lend an ear x

Thanks for your reply.

I've got a book on mindfulness and the headspace app on my phone and find the meditation amazing when I am relatively calm to begin with, when I am really worked up I just cant get into it, maybe I need more practice.

My last experience of ad's has absolutely terrified me plus I've read that a side effect of mirtazapine is huge weight gain which I could really do without.