Can I ask to stay in a mother and baby unit? PND...

[ILoveYouBaby]

I've a lovely 5 month old dd, but I'm struggling with PND. I'm on 100mg sertraline which had stabilised my mood but I've been feeling worse recently. Things are compounded by having a baby that not only won't sleep, but that screams for hours.

I appear to be coping ok because I have a wonderful husband who works part time, and who cooks, cleans, shops, etc. But I feel that underneath I'm failing hugely.

I really want just a few days away with some specialist help to reassure me and provide advice on my baby seeing her for more than a 10 minute appointment. In particular, I want help with her sleep as I feel that if I could crack the sleeping if be better placed to handle the pnd.

Can I ask my hv to be referred to a mother and baby unit? Do such things even exist for pnd? Are they horrible places to be that I'd regret going to?

I've been quite honest to my gp, who's been great.

I feel like I have failed because I can barely look after myself let her alone her. She spends si much of the day screaming it can't be good, and I don't know what to do. She's got eczema that I've finally got cleared up and then overnight it came back and she was scratching so much it was bleeding. She doesn't get anywhere near enough sleep and I should be better at getting her to sleep. If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't eat, the house would be a mess, there would be no clean clothes. He's propping me up.

Hi, I used to work as a nurse in a M&b unit. They aren't really aimed at the help you need, they tend to be for psychotic, suicidal, or women with schizophrenia while they are being assessed for care proceedings. Being in hospital, out of home can bring it's iwn problems. I would go to GP/ HV and tell them you need more support. Every area has it's own way if doing this, surestart, homestRt or other support.

Building up your own routine can be very helpful. Getting out every morning is a good start, even if you don't feel like it. Do baby swimming, massage, whatever you can find. Structure helps mental health a lot. It will get better x

I have been/am suicidal. That's one of the things in struggling with at the moment. But I see your point, it would probably be best to get support in my home environment.

I was admitted to a unit because of suicudal thoughts/impulses. (I was 'caught in the act' by my husband). I went in voluntarily, but I later found out that I would have been sectioned if I refused an admission. I know there were only 6 beds to cover the East of Scotland. I was 70 miles away from home, which meant that I only got to see my oldest daughter on the weekend. Someone else had come 150 miles from home. The unit was, quite literally, a lifesaver and the staff very good, but being a psych inpatient is difficult. While the staff was great, It was really only focused upon keeping people safe.

Hi in most areas there are few beds. Eg where I am just 4 for the city and county where I live and people tend to spend weeks- months in them due to them being a risk to their child or themselves due to the severity of their illness, and usually for patients with psychosis ( not always). They are for people who are sectioned under the mental health act or who would be if they did not go to hospital. If you feel you are at risk of harming your child then let services know so they can act promptly to get you help.

If you want a few days away with help that is not how they work. If you know what help you need can you ask to be referred to the peri-natal mental health unit. You can be allocated a named worker who can meet with you for more than ten minutes, usually in your home. They can help you with bonding and anxiety. They triage their services usually depending on need so you can get seen quickly.

If you need more help at home to manage they usually try to put place sport in the community before using hospital beds. Which sounds like what you want. As your dh works part-time I imagine it is normal for them to do things round the home, try not to be critical of that.

A HV can give you an hour long slot to help reassure you. Would that help? If you tell people what help you need then people can help meet it. So if you struggling with sleep you can discuss that for eg. There are in some areas pnd support groups which can be useful and HV can refer you. Also sure start centres have support workers who can help anyone - self refer or get HV to refer.

Thanks everyone, you're all right, I need to stay at home and not going into a unit. I feel so desperate to get out of this situation.

There's no pnd support group in our area. It's taken three months for my first counselling session, and I think I only get two. My baby is lovely but very fractious and the sleep deprivation is ridiculous.

I'll contact that lady Mary, thank you. I would love to be able to afford a night nanny, but as I can't, I'm going to look at getting some specialist baby sleep advice as that would make a massive difference.

All the health professionals know I'm suicidal but there's very little support available in my area.

Firstly, well done for reaching out for help. That takes guts x 4-5m can be a tricky age, sleep regression stage, routine injections at 16wks etc.

I think there are actually 2 issues here:

(a) you are sleep deprived with a young baby who is crying a lot, which is hard. I want you to ask your GP for a referral to a paediatrician so baby can be assessed for reflux and cow's milk protein intolerance. GP's are general practitioners and you've gone through months of this, time to see a specialist!

(b) if the tablets have stopped being as effective then ask what else you can try. The HV should be able to signpost you in the direction of more support (in our area there are a couple of groups for mums affected by PND, and you can also get referred for counselling - a friend had CBT and found it v helpful).

You are NOT failing as a mother, you are going through a hard time. Long term sleep deprivation and crying is very hard to deal with. Make an appointment and let us know how you get on? You will come through this.

X post slow typing, sorry

Have you seen this guest post on the MN bloggers network

the NCT helpline (choose option 3) is open to all parents, you don't have to be a member to call

Thanks blondie. DD does have silent reflux, I'm going to ask the health visitor tomorrow to weigh her so we can recalculate her medicine dose, and ask for a referral to dietician as she also has long term constipation and eczema. No CMPI that we're aware of as I'm dairy free and she's breastfed other than the odd bottle.

I hadn't seen that guest post, I'll have a look at it, thanks.

I think you're right, there are two issues that are compounding each other but that each need to be tackled.

Push push and push, don't be fobbed off. You can't go on without sleep no wonder you feel like you do. Ask gp to be referred to paed you can't take anymore and your baby needs rest too

your hormones are still not back as they should be yet, not enough sleep will make you tearful, angry, snappy etc.