Feel so weak because I cannot cope without Anti-Depressants.

[Milkandlotsofwine]

Just feel so low right now...

I have been on AD's for 2 and a half years now. My fiancée and I split up 3 years ago (he literally cut me out of his life overnight) and I had to go on Mirtazapine due to the crippling depression and horrific insomnia that I developed afterwards.

I was weaned off them 3 months ago however, as I genuinely thought it was time that I did so. I now feel utterly dreadful though. I spend all day thinking negative thoughts; that I'm a loser, my life is a disaster, I am unlovable and will be alone forever...it just goes on and on. My sleep is better than it was though; although I still wake up pretty early every morning.

I feel so sad that I cannot function without tablets. I feel as if my brain is permanently broken, and that I am going to be like this forever. I feel so alone and hopeless right now. I feel like I try and try, but nothing ever gets better for me...

Yes, I've had therapy. I'm actually training to become a counsellor, and it was a requirement of my last course. I found it utterly unhelpful to be honest; if anything the counsellor just helped reinforce all my beliefs that I will never love/be loved again.

I suppose there is no shame in it really. It just makes me really sad to know that this is the way I naturally feel without chemical help nowadays.

I've been on ad's for 11 years now and unlikely to come off them ever. Maybe in the future I will try but right now my psychiatrist says I'm very likely to have a serious depressive episode and I cannot put myself and my family through that. But you know what? I don't care. If I had high blood pressure or diabetes I would swallow my pills without thinking twice. Mental illness is no different.

I'm sorry that counselling didn't help you. I've had lots of counselling with 3 different counselors, 2 of whom helped a lot and the 3rd one not so much. Please try again with someone different, it really can help you see things in a different light.