Am I wrong to wallow in my depression?

[dripty]

Have suffered from low level depression ever since DS1 was born 12 years ago. Have trundled on through 2 more pregnancies and a very unhappy marriage.
I have now given in and my GP has put me on ADs and sleeping tablets as I have just reached the point where I cannot cope any longer. All I want to doo is hide under the duvet but have until now been able to operate in a fashion on a day to day basis.
I now feel that I just want to wallow in this depression until the ADs kick in. That I am tired of pretending that I can carry on with everyday life and that I need to stop caring for others and start caring for me.
Does that make any sense or am I just being selfish?

Can I join?

I totally understand how you feel.
You need to think about you bad only you for a while. If you are not functioning properly then ultimately no one else is. It's a carry on effect. There is no difference in having depression or a broken leg. Both are debilitating and those suffering require extra care and attention.
Have some me time.

I think wanting to hide under the duvet all day is something all of us want to do when we are depressed. In a way it's not difficult to see why, because we want/need to withdraw when suffering depression. SO I don't think it's so much you wanting to "wallow in it" but realising that you can't go on any more, pretending everything is ok, and want to withdraw from - well life really. You are absolutely not being selfish, you have struggled for so long it seems that it's high time you admitted to yourself and others that you are suffering from a depressive illness and can't continue to cope.

I think the problem with mental illness is that somehow we feel guilty (or even ashamed) that we have this and think there is something that we should be able to do to stop the depression, whereas we don't feel those things with a physical illness. My belief is that we can't accept mental illness like we do physical illness because of the stigma that sadly is still attached to mental illness and because there is nothing to see (no plaster cast to use the broken leg analogy) and people don't understand mental illness unless they have suffered themselves of course.

My advice would be to withdraw as much as you are able until the meds kick in and most definitely be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Are you still in the unhappy marriage - if so could this be the root cause of the depression, although you track it back to the time when your son was born - 12 years is a long time to feel depressed, and I wonder if there are other issues that are contributing to the depression.

I know the torment of depression and I don't believe anyone can understand it without experiencing it. Hope the meds kick in soon and in the meantime that you will be gentle with yourself and take better care of yourself than you have in the past.