don't know what's wrong with me :-(

[feelingdesperate]

I feel so low at the moment. I'm prone to worry and feel anxious. I suffer from insomnia at times and have eczema which flares up when I'm stressed but I don't remember feeling like this before.
I've been through a lot lately but have tried to keep going. It's down to relationships mainly and I've been determind not to be beaten but I feel I've taken all I can now and don't feel like being nice and reasonable anymore.
I think I must not be a very nice person really. I don't have many friends and my very few relationships have ended with me feeling like crap. Lately I've been breaking down and crying, infront of the children and I know they are bearing the brunt of it. Ds is taking on too much of my problems, I know that. His behaviour has gone from bad to worse. He is rude to me, breaks everything in the house and is generally unpleasant. I feel I've failed. I just told him I hate him and feel like crap. I think I might just leave. It would be better for them.
Thanks for listening.

Oh feelingdesperate

Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? GP, HV?

You sound very depressed. You describe how i was feeling when i was in the throes of PND>...

Oh read this, just wanted to send you sympathy. Dont be hard on yourself, just take one day at a time. Can you take your children out to a park today just to get you all out - getting out can help. Just to make today a bit better.

I've spoken to my mum but I try not to say too much. She makes me feel worse by telling me I should be enjoying my children. I know I should and it upsets me to think I'm not. I know I should be able to pick myself up but I just can't this time.
I think I will go and see my GP but I worry that if I start telling him how I feel, it's all going to come out and he will involve the HV. I can't risk that, I'm scared they might think I could hurt the children.

Please dont feel bad about not enjoying your children - sure we all go through feelings like that. It's all normal. Dont think that everybody enjoys their children all the time. You sound like you need a break - emotionally I mean - from feeling bad about things. Do try your GP/HV - they will understand.

Thankyou gigwig

I am going to take your advise and take them out to the park.

Please please speak to your GP. Even telling him/her will help - it did for me, I broke down and it felt as though as huge weight was lifting off my shoulders, just to admit that I couldn't cope and to have someone say "It's ok, it's not unusual, let's see what we can do".
Please go. If you don't, things will only get worse.

I really dont think that will be the case FD. GPs and HVs are used to seeing people who feel like you do, and understand that it is either an illness, or understand the circumstances behind it. They will try and help you, not judge and punish you.

Please go and see your GP, Im sure he/she will be able to help you.

x

great! i'm feeling a bit low myself today so will do the same. DH away for the day aswell which doesn't help.