Always thinking of suicide

[Worried22]

It's always at the back of my mind, then it's get too much and I see an opportunity, like tonight, so I make an attempt as the urges are too strong to ignore.

But it's happened a few times before, I feel like the boy who cried wolf, and the mh team have heard it before so are probably fed up of me. I have therapy, am on meds, so why can't I change and enjoy life, why can't I see a future and have positive thoughts, instead of wanting to harm myself or end it all the time.

I want to ring them but they can't do anything and I'm scared of feeling worse and ashamed.

Do you have a back history to all of this?

There's a long back story to all this, have posted before under this nn and others. Basically I'm a single mum, known to the mh team, diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bpd (I think). I find things hard to cope with, and I've made attempts in the past. Happy to answer any questions, I don't really know what to say.

I did try calling my cpn but she wasn't there.

Have you had counselling op?

Are there any specialist services that deal with BPD in your area?

If you're not feeling comfortable with your therapist, it's time to find a new one. MIND can offer someone to go with you when you speak to your GP, I believe. Better than going on your own, which can be tough if you're feeling low.

If your CPN isn't available, Samaritans are your next call

If things get worse do ring them Worried. No they may not be able to "do" anything but sometimes just talking on the phone can help get through the next few hours or day and sometimes that is as much as is possible. And that is ok.