Help me not trigger myself...

[Anonrightnow]

So. I’m completely fucking knackered, life’s been way too hard recently and I also carry a shitload of horrible memories and have complex ptsd. (I’m starting therapy this autumn.)
Right now I need to rest! And it’s summer, I want to somehow enjoy this short but sweet season! But I’m a bit of wreck right now.

The thing is, I have so many memories and there are SO many things that trigger me. Like reading the news. Or, just thinking At the same time I also try to make sense of it all by reading as much as I can about these issues, my brain thinks if I learn enough and analyze enough then I’ll feel better. In a way it does, but it also upsets me too much. So I guess I should really stop that but it’s like I can’t.

I just want a break from all this. What can I do? I’m so deeply tired. I felt suicidal earlier this summer but I feel better now. I’d like to feel better than simply-not-suicidal though and to not being constantly reminded/upset/triggered. Any sort of comment/advice?

Good luck with the therapy. Have you got any RL support? Look up mindfulness, there are loads of exercises to help you stay in the present moment and not get caught up with worries/memories about the past or future. IT's a hard skill to learn, but might help you manage a bit until therapy kicks in.

Thank you.
I’m going to be alone a lot this summer so plenty of time to think about things, that is a problem.
I do have some RL support, 2 friends, they know I’m not feeling well but I don’t want to bother them too much about this.
Yes mindfulness is a good idea but I don’t really now how to even start in my current state I don’t feel ”present” at all. It’s like I’m sleepwalking.