Media reporting of abuse has opened a Pandora's box in my mind

[Ilikethesunshine]

And I can't shut it and have realised that I need to deal with it.
My reaction to all the recent media coverage of historical abuse has surprised me by its strength. I have found myself having to excuse myself from conversations and have a cry in the loo, turn off the TV and radio and jut can't push things out of my mind because I'm getting constantly reminded about it.
Today for the first time, I spoke to my GP about it and she will refer me to a councillor privately. I feel so strange now and mostly want to crawl into bed and cry but I have to look after my children.
How will counselling help? what happens in counselling and will I be able open up? I've not managed to before in spite of wanting too, I just can't put it in to words and mostly blame myself for reacting so strongly to something not as extreme as many cases of abuse you hear about. I think they will think I'm being silly making a fuss and I should have just got over it. Was over 30 years ago.
Also how do I find a good councillor?

Thanks for advice, I'm feeling pathetic today and don't have anyone else to talk to.
Name changed for anonymity.

for you and

counselling is hard work. it hurts like lancing a boil; only afterwards it can heal
if you can't talk, try writing or drawing. Maybe art therapy might be easier?
best wishes for continuing recovery

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. However, you are not alone in feeling saddened by the whole situation. Rolf Haris was someone I always admired, and now feel betrayed by what has happened. I think all the abuse that is now coming to light is throwing a different picture on what we thought we knew and believed.

Well done on going to the gp and getting a referral. Talking to a counsellor will help you make sense of what has happened and how you are feeling.

I'm not too too sure on whether you were abused or not. If so, I'm not surprised that the current situation has resurfaced your emotions. 20-30 years ago, child abuse wasn't mentioned so people kept it bottled it up inside. The current situation has probably stirred a lot of feelings in victims of all ages.

I think you are stronger than you think, otherwise you wouldn't have made the first step and gone to the gp. Recognising you have a problem is a good sign. The gp's surgery should be able to recommend a counsellor to you.

Here's another for you.
As Julia said, it works because all the awful emotions you've kept locked in for years finally are allowed to come out and you can 'deal' with it because you know you are safe, no one is going to hurt you.

It might take years but one day you'll find you haven't covered it over/ran from anything and the pain it caused you has lessened or even gone.

for you too.

Thanks for the support.
Hairylegs, you say I'll be able to deal with it because I'll know I'm safe however the person who abused me was someone whose position (nurse) made my parents trust him. I have very little trust in people in these positions and don't know that I will feel safe. Just going to the doctor about something routine is very stressful for me.
I know I need to do it but I'm scared.

I was going to post something very similar today.

The reports in the media and also reading things like Vagenda/Everyday Sexism have really bought some things that happened years ago to the forefront of my kind again.

I'm not sure what to do really, in my case I don't know what counselling would achieve as there is not much to say about it, but I'm not sure how to switch it all back off again either.

Sorry, I'm not very helpful but I can empathise.

Cecy - counselling will help you 'switch it off', or come to terms with it.

Ilike.. - at least if you know you are going to be scared, then this emotion will not be such a surprise to you. The only way is up. You've made the first step, and you will be able to make many more. Stay strong.

I recently blurted out everything to my GP, poor guy!

He was lovely and kind and refered me for councelling. I found it easy to offload all my past to my first councellor but she referred me to another one as she felt she was not experienced enough with abuse to help me. The second councellor spoke to me on the phone and I just didn't click with him, so I chickened out of further councelling. TBH it still helped to get things out in the open a bit, I had to have some time off work though.

I think the recent coverage of abuse in the news has probably caused lots of abuse survivors to remember their own experiences.

I also think 'ffs it was years ago', but then I have felt that since I was a teen and will probably still feel that way in another 30 years

Well done speaking to your GP. I'm not sure I'm ready or ever will be ready for that. I feel very similar about Pandora's box being opened though. I've been unsettled during Yewtree etc. but there's something about the RH case which has really hit home and made me think about my own situation 30 years ago. I normally minimise it, it wasn't rape so I've felt it wasn't enough to make a fuss over, but I can see now I was being groomed. Reading and hearing about the seriousness people are placing on what RH did makes me think what happened to me was, perhaps, significant.

I don't know if it affected me or not, I tend not to think about it for long periods of time and the only person I would mention to is DH. I currently, however, feel tearful in a way I haven't in a long time. As a child when I told my mum (who told my dad, who spoke to the person and put a stop to it) what was happening I was just relieved it was over. We never really discussed it again. To my knowledge my siblings don't know anything and I don't see why they should at this stage. I also don't want to rake things up with my parents again. I don't know if counselling would make any difference to my life, possibly not. I wonder if I can close my box again when the coverage stops.

Awful though it sounds, it's reassuring that it's not just only me. I went to bed really early yesterday and feel more settled this morning. In fact mine was not the only post on this topic yesterday I realised later.

Like many of you, I've just being trying to put it out of my head. Over the years it comes into my head from time to time and upsets me and I tell myself it was nothing and try and forget about it but since the JS story came out and then all the subsequent news stories I just can't get rid of the thoughts. I'm also getting increasingly angry with my parents who just swept every thing under the carpet and prolonged my suffering.
The logical part of my brain knows that it obviously has affected me and that now would be a good time to talk as people will be more understanding (unlike when I was a child).

I need to make sure I follow through and find someone I'm comfortable to talk to.

cecyhall mewling unsureanniehall iwasinamandbunit
I will share my , and with you and hope that you find a beneficial way to deal with your feelings. I do think its good that all this has come out, I think it has to have made professionals more aware of the effects of 'minor' abuse and make parents more aware too. My parents are clueless about how much this has affected me.