Hi, im going to really try to not let this be too long. Heres a background..
Iv suffered with OCD (quite mild but is up and down) most of my adult life, im late twenties. I have developed anxiety since having my dd last year which got much worse after my dp left me a few months back, am on citalopram for this which seems to have masked the underlying problems somewhat and allows me to function. However i feel anxious everyday, stressed, panicky and i just cant relax and has got worse again the past few weeks.
My ex p was emotionally abusive for most, if not all of our 3 year relationship, controlling, manipulative and continues to do so even now when he sees our dd. He makes me doubt myself and everyone around me (im not sure he knows hes doing so, and much of the time i dont even know hes doing it, but my family and friends notice it and tell me what he does to me). I was diagnosed with ptsd due to anxiety and a panic attack a few weeks after i found out he was having an affair and he left, it was only then i realised what he was like with me.
So anyway, i am plodding along with everyday life determined to keep grounded for my dd but sometimes i feel guilty and feel she deserves better. I have a very negative and warped view of the world, relationships and feel like a huge burden to my family and friends, who are very supportive. I get angry and bitter towards those around me but dont show it. I have trouble sleeping cause of bad dreams and cant relax, i cant handle any kind of stress and am terrified of the future. I have come to terms with the fact me and ex p are over but not what has happened.
i hope that makes sense, will answer questions if i havent made things clear. I dont really want to increase my citalopram anymore as i wonder if i need to figure out the underlying issues that i cant escape.