Losing My Mind

[Jade1991]

My baby had an accident at a restaurant in April. He put his hands in a dish of beans on a childrens meal and suffered 2nd degree burns. The waitress who served the food was a friend and had told me that his food was cool as they had cooled it on the side for him. This was not the case but I am his mother and should have checked the food. I've fallen out with all my friends. I rarely go out.

I went out to a restaurant two weeks ago and was convinced that a girl on the opposite table was talking about me and taking pictures of me. I wake in the night and have panic attacks.
I feel like a bad mother. I blame myself and everyone around me. I have so much anger and hurt inside I want to cut off from the world. My baby's father is currently in rehab for sex addiction. I've suffered at the hands of this man so much but I cant let him go... He's cheated on me with prostitutes throughout and after my pregnancy.

I'm isolated in a world where i am scared to breathe. I feel like I'm a bad mother and my son/partner would be better off without me.

I am losing my mind. I've been to the docs and he said he would refer me to the crisis team... this was 2 weeks ago. I'm reaching the point of no return. I'm hopeless. Have I lost my mind?

(((HUGS))) Jade. You are clearly having a very tough time. You are NOT a bad mother. Bad mothers don't worry about what kind of parent they are. How can your son possibly be better off without you? His dad certainly doesn't sound like a good candidate to raise him. You made one mistake. All parents make mistakes, believe me. You learn from it if there is something to be learnt and then you move on. Please go back to your doctor and insist that he gets help for you asap.

I'm scared that my son will get taken from me if I'm 100% honest about how I've been feeling. My son is 18months old and I changed his nappy 5 times in the night...and I don't remember doing it. Well maybe once but not 5 times!! He fell and banged his head this morning and I feel guilty like they are going to think I have done it. I phoned the docs yesterday and asked what had happened to my referral and they never called me back. Is there any help out there??

Hi a referral to a crisis team in most areas means it is immediate and you will be seen within 24hours. A crisis team is not talking treatment and is not long term care - they help assess and support people in a crisis. Any gp or out of hours dr can refer you to a crisis team and it is up to the crisis team whether they offer to support you. It is usually a visit or a phone all regularly for a week or a bit longer. Usually a different person each time.

Can you talk to your gp and ask for help again. It may be a crisis team is not what you need - it may be - and if so they can refer you for the appropriate service. Can you tell the dr what you are struggling with and what you need so they can make the right referral. Do you need immediate help to keep safe, in that case it is usually the crisis team. Do you want talking treatment? Or assessment for diagnosis? Medication?

Every area tends to have slightly different services and so on so it depends on where you live but your gp will know what you can be referred to. Unless a gp thinks there is an immediate risk no NHS referral is immediate - nor is it for physical health ( even cancer referrals can take two weeks) so worth asking what you have been referred to and how long the wait is.

Do you have any friends or family to turn to for practical support?