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Advice please for my anxious and depressed elderly dad

8 replies

runforthehills65 · 26/06/2014 09:16

Seeking advice on how I can help my dad who has suddenly become depressed and overcome by anxiety for the last 4 months or so. He is in his late 70's and previously he was an active man, swimming twice weekly, driving and out and about with my step-mother, interested in music, theatre, film. Now he is just consumed by anxiety and has no interest in life. He has also lost a lot of weight through loss of appetite.

This all seems to stem from them having to move and downsize their house as it is no longer possible for them to live there. For the past few months he has been taking 20mg/upped to 30mg of citalopram and taking diazepam a few times a day too. But he is still so overcome by anxiety each day, ie. wanting to go to a&e for small things, worrying about household issues, food poisoning, etc. All to do with his health and I guess realizing he is aging.

How do I deal with his anxiety when we speak on the phone, should I let him go to a&e, let him phone up people to check out his worries, ie. let him phone up about electric bill queries, drain blockages, etc. At present the whole family try and rationalize with him but should we just let him do what he wants to alleviate his stress?

At present he has an enabling team coming to help each day and another team overlooking the situation. Unfortunately I live a long way away and I am finding it hard to know how to deal with his anxieties over the phone.

I think they are considering changing his medication as he is so anxious and due to his age he cannot increase dose of citalopram.

It is so hard seeing my lovely dad become such a nervous, worried man so any advice would be great.

OP posts:
Singsongmama · 26/06/2014 16:32

Didn't want to read and run.

Sorry no real advice, just a bump so someone else might help.

Hand to hold Thanks

runforthehills65 · 26/06/2014 18:15

Thank you Singsongmama. Just had another call as he is still anxious about a cut on his foot from yesterday. A nurse saw it but he still feels he should go to a&e, concerned about blood poisoning.

I do not know whether I should say yes go if you feel you must or put him off, only for him to be anxious and not sleep.

They have a crisis team so my step mother is contacting them now.

OP posts:
Bearandcub · 26/06/2014 18:21

Have you spoken with local elderly focused charities or community organisations?
Age uk and the Alzheimer's society are extremely helpful and thorough.

At 70 he is still considered young in elder life terms.

The websites below are for carers and family are helpful;
Www.whentheyareolder.org.uk
Www.agingcare.com - a US site

Marshy · 26/06/2014 18:22

It's very hard to reassure people with health anxiety and this will probably go away only once his low mood has lifted. Is he under the care of a psychiatrist?
Is the move going ok? Can you do practical stuff to help with that?
You have my sympathies. It tough worrying about elderly parents

SilverStars · 26/06/2014 19:29

Hi it sounds like he is under a mental health team so hopefully they can help advise and support.

The onky practical thing I can suggest regarding his concerns about a cut on his foot ( that has been seen by a nurse) is that he calls 111 and asks for an out of hours gp/nurse appointment. That way he will not be waiting at A&E for potentially hours but would have a booked slot with a medical practitioner.

pilates · 26/06/2014 19:43

Sorry to hear, it must be a worry for you.

I had a relative similar to your father and it can be one of the signs of dementia.

How is he with your stepmother?

runforthehills65 · 26/06/2014 21:47

I will have a look at the websites, thanks.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned by any medical person is dementia and I do worry his present state could be a sign of this.

It all seems to stem from having to move house, which will happen in the next month or so. He now accepts they must move as house is too big, etc. and they have found a lovely smaller place.

It is so hard seeing a self reliant and independent man become so lacking in self confidence. He used to do so much for my step mother and now the roles are totally reversed.

After some chasing they now have enablers coming every day next week to help dad get out of the house. A psychologist came to assess them at home last week too. They will apparently liaise with their doctor and mental health team.

OP posts:
IDismyname · 26/06/2014 21:51

I would get him checked out for dementia. Sounds a lot like my dad who has it. He was diagnosed at 71. He's been on medication which has slowed the progress of the disease down, but 6 years on, it's not so effective.

My Parents are right in the middle of downsizing. It's a nightmare for my mother. I'd get him looked at.

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