Depression & PTSD

[Pulledapart]

Hi all,

New to mumsnet. Have been lurking for a while on this forum. Have posted on another thread but have finally got the courage to post my own thread.

I had a mental health breakdown 2 years ago and have been in & out of hospital a few times since. Cause of my breakdown was flashbacks of childhood abuse which I had manage to block out until this point. I now suffer from hearing voices & hallucinations sometimes. I had a problem with self harm but thankfully that has been under control.

I've just started psycho therapy for all of this and am also taking medications (anti psychotics & AD's). I also have physical health issue which I'm on regular meds for.

I've found it quite hard to cope with day to day living generally since the breakdown. I have a DD (4 years old) & a very loving DH. Due to my illness & other things in real life I've had to move back in with my parents. It's not ideal but there was no other choice.

I'm very lucky to have such supportive family & DH around me but I still feel empty. I put on a brave face in front Of them all but inside I'm always sad.

Intrusive thoughts trouble me and tonight I can't even fall asleep. I think the recent one-to-one therapy is making me this way as it's dealing with a lot of emotional stuff from my past. I'm uncertain about my future. Most days now I even think I'm not being a good mum to DD. For the past few days all I've wanted to do is just Lay in bed :(

I really thought I would be able to get through this with therapy but I'm not so sure now. DH is away for a few days with work so now I'm scared I might not cope well without him.

Sorry for the long post I'm not even sure why I'm posting. I'm just wondering if I will ever be in a place where my past will not effect me?

Unmumsnetty hugs to you. This sounds really painful and I'm sorry to hear about all you've been through.

You mentioned that you just started therapy. I would urge you to stick with it as it really can help. The tough thing is that it tends to feel worse at the start but it really can get better - it's frustrating that it takes time but it can help.

If it's any help, I've found that in time therapy has helped ease my symptoms (PTSD etc) and while I'm still carrying a lot of stuff, I feel less alone, desolate and despairing. As you build an alliance with your therapist, it will start to take effect.

If you are really struggling please do call Samaritans on 116123. Sometimes it can help, even if you can't say much. And you are not a bad mum. You are trying to deal with a lot of pain.

Thanks appletini for the kind words. It does help to hear that therapy has helped you. It gives me some hope.

I will try continuing the therapy as you say it's far worse at the start. From what I've read it seems to be what everyone suggests.

Thank you for the Samaritans number also. If I can't switch off then I may well use it.

How are you feeling today?

Hi appletini I'm doing okaish thanks still not getting any sleep so feel exhausted :(