Dr? Try st john's wort? just get on with it? Straw poll please :)

[LoveSardines]

Hi all

Will cut a very long story short!

I developed ante-natal depression & anxiety with DD1 and haven't really been right since.

After DD2 I was really quite ill and in the end went to the doc and got paroxetine which helped, took that for a while I can't remember how long, some months up to a year or so I think it was.

Have been gradually getting better since then, saying to DH every month or so for the last couple years that I am still getting better all the time. Last few months have even been able to really join in with the family in a completely normal way, which has been great.

Last 4 weeks or so have been heading down, nearly had a panic attack in a shop, just lost the urge to do things & anxiety is coming back when out and about, eg today they have all just gone to a BBQ and I want to go but I can't as I'm just not up to it and it's such a shame as like I say I had been feeling really normal for quite a while now and I was hoping I was done with this.

So I'm not sure what to do, as the whole mental health thing is still not something I know about much. I got ill, I was ill, I had drugs, then over time I started to get better. Now I am getting ill again - will I get very ill? Or is it a blip, how do I tell, how long do I wait and see? At what point do I think oh this is bad I should go the doc, do I try st john's wort?

I'm not really sure what the right thing to do is, I just hate being this way. It's shit for the rest of teh family and it's shit for me.

Bizarrely when I'm not with family I feel quite normal - I work full time and feel "myself" on my commute and at work. Has always been this way with my illness - clearly the children are a stressor and trigger it

Any thoughts? TIA

bump for the evening

I have no experience with pnd, this is purely from the position of having supported a partner who suffers from depression. I would go and speak to the doctor. They may not even prescribe anything, just advise on diet and exercise etc. If you do need medication I would say it would be better getting it now and you will start feeling better sooner rather than putting it off until you are very ill.

Docs. Push for talk therapy, take anti-ds. You're doing well, seeing the signs, being proactive, using the awareness you gained last time.

thanks guys

I have been hiding and feeling weird all day, the kids are now in bed and I don't have to go anywhere or look after anyone and suddenly i feel back to normal again.

I am loathe to take ADs when it's only the weekends I'm ill IYSWIM. Is there anything I could take just when I needed it - valium or something?

I think a trip to the doc is in order isn't it. I was doing so well :(

I also think it's time to see the doctor and talk about your options for feeling better. Good luck and best wishes.

It's probably a blip, and you got frightened by the what you thought was a panic attack.
The more you focus on things,the more real they become and get out of control.
Ie, thinking it's only weekend, the children. The panic attack happened sat so hence weekend! The children getting on your nerves weekend.
Do they not get on your nerves through the week, I'm sure they do.

Don't try and put a time, day to it as when that comes around again you will be looking for it to happen and before you know it it has.

Hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

I do get what you are saying! It is quite a clear pattern unfortunately. With kids = stressed and anxious. Without kids = fine and dandy. My getting better has coincided with going back to work full-time and doing a lot less in terms of school runs and things.

I am going to book an appt with the doc, hopefully they will be able to see me next week when I can get away from work.

Thanks again :)

Try not to feel bad about the fact that you were doing well and now you're not feeling so good. The fact that you've recognised it and start to think of ways to deal with it means you'll get past this so it won't be like going back to square one. I'd appeal to your doctor just to see what they say, they might suggest ADs or maybe some counselling to help work through how you're feeling. I'd also try to do things yourself to help you feel as though you're making a positive effort, doing some exercise, walking, swimming, etc depending what you feel up to. I find having an hour or so in the garden helps me, just a bit of time without the kids to myself.

I understand what you're saying about feeling worse at weekends. I'm on an ongoing fairly low dose of ADs which keeps me on a fairly even keel, but I tend to have lower moments when I'm with the family at home. It seems the wrong way round but I wonder whether it's because at work you have a bit more control and you know what to expect, whereas children are unpredictable, demanding both emotionally and physically (depending on their age) and I find my anxiety gets worse when they are especially demanding.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

*Speak to your doctor, not appeal to them!

iwould yes the second part of your post makes sense to me about the physical and emotional demands. I just kind of don't have it in me.

At work I am happy and lively and competent and cheerful

Like today I haven't even had a shower and am in old clothes.
Work days I am all done up and saunter around the shops in my lunch break.

It's like two completely different people. One useless and detached and not looking forward to anything and the other just all fine and good.

It's really pissed me off that I seem to be heading into crapville again in my personal life. I mean the kids and DH are lovely. We have no problems. Why can't I sodding well just get on with it, or even enjoy it like normal poeple.

Grrrr.

All a bit rhetorical there. Thanks again for replying

I wonder whether part of the thing with being with the DCs as well is the complexity of it. There seem to be so many competing emotions, well with me anyway! I tend to start the day feeling tired and slightly resentful that I've been woken so early, I then feel love and proud when the DCs are playing nicely, then stress and anxiety if they are playing up, then throughout the day probably a combination of guilt, optimism, worry, anger, calm, and probably a bit of nothingness. They're all probably fairly mild versions of these emotions but altogether can be exhausting.

Sorry for rambling on, your post resonated with me a bit and it's started to make me think about how I can change how I feel about time with DCs too.

The mindfulness thing sounds very interesting I will do some googling

I think that part of the problem for me is that although I can be sociable I like to do it on my own terms, and have always had a real "sit quietly and read for ages" side to me. I lived alone for a few years and really enjoyed it. I find having the children kind of at me all the time very very difficult indeed. And it's nothing they are doing wrong - they behave well for children their age, it's how I react to that that's the problem.