What's the best thing to do? Am I even depressed?

[theladybirdheard]

I feel a bit nervous about posting here, but I just need some advice about what to do.
I think I might be suffering from depression or more likely dysthymia (sp?) which I saw someone mention here.
First up. Apologies. I don't have any reason to be depressed like many I see on here. I have close family relatives with depression, but there is no traumatic childhood, no abuse, nothing that could trigger being depressed.
I've always been an anxious person who worries about stuff and finds it difficult to make decisions. I nearly drove my husband mad trying to organise our summer holiday because I couldn't decide what to do. I'm the sort of person that builders would - and did - would say 'cheer up it might never happen'.
However I feel grey most of the time. I always have been a bit of a misery. I am conscious that I snap at my two young DCs and get wound up over small things. I feel pretty numb towards my husband. I feel inadequate about what I achieve compared to everyone else.
I don't have suicidal thoughts - I could never leave my children, but I quite often fantasise about some not very painful illness that would just mean I could stay in bed for a long long time.
It's been a stressful couple of years with family illness and redundancy but although there were three or so fairly intense months, everything is back on track.
I worry however that I am going to be affecting my DCs. I want to be the kind of fun mum who makes their life happy, not one who is either miserable or shouting. I want to be different
Maybe this is normal. Maybe we all expect to be happy too much of the time? I do do some exercise. I do feel happy sometimes….I don't know what to do.

The best thing to do would be to see your GP who can refer you for a MH assessment. If you think you have been like this for a while then it might have altered your perspective which is why you don't know if it could be depression - if indeed it is a form of depression. It could be an anxiety disorder, but depression & anxiety go hand-in-hand. Or if you felt like trying anti-depressants, the GP could prescribe some to see if had any affect without needing a full MH assessment & possible psychiatrist care. Most areas also offer some kind of CBT-type courses - try looking up NHS 2gether (I don't think you even need a GP referral for these)

I think the fact you have posted here shows you are concerned enough to want to do something about how you feel. So do make an appointment to check it out. (If you happen to have private cover then you could get a psychiatrist referral straight away, most probably quicker than NHS).

I have been on ADs for nearly 6mths now after thinking I had dysthymia from reading about it on here. Previously I didn't think I could have diagnosable depression & was very reluctant to take ADs. I am finding things easier now, particularly enjoying my DC. However, I am still under review & I still feel it's early days.

It sounds as if dysthymia is a definite possibility. You don't have to be depressed about something - stress can trigger the depression which then stays even after the stressful events are over. And sometimes you just get depressed even in the absence of stressful or traumatic experiences. I agree with idlevice, see a doctor and try to organise some therapy.

thank you.