I have always experienced some degree of anxiety/depression but have had really good stretches in life and have got anxiety etc. more under control. Health anxiety has always been an issue but again managed to keep under control. All of this heightens when it is that 'time' of the month when my mood is affected so much more. Have had various treatments in the past CBT, counselling etc.
I have a good life, caring husband who works hard, no money worries, 2 dd's (one at junior school, one 8 months old),yet feeling blighted with anxiety and low mood. I am worrying that something will happen to dh (who is 15 years older than me) and I will be left alone. DH says why worry about something that could happen 20 or 30 years away but I cant stop myself imagining myself alone and depressed with no one to talk to etc. There are several widows in the road where I live in their 60/70's and it feels like a constant reminder of things to come. Then I worry that something will happen to the children and that would be unbearable and if I'm not worrying about that I worry that something will happen to me to take me away from them at a young age.
I recently had a milestone birthday and have more or less come to the conclusion that it would be too difficult to continue with my part-time job due to holiday cover in the school holidays now with 2 dds to look after but I think it just gives me even more time to worry. I don't have much in the way of family support and sometimes feel isolated although I try to force myself out to baby groups I'm beginning to feel like I'm going through the motion of things. I am still bf the baby so know AD's are out of the question at the moment. DD2 needs a relatively minor op which will require general anesthetic in a few months time and naturally anxious about that as she is my long awaited second miracle child.
I just want to get back to living in the here and now but my mind seems to be taking a downward spiral thinking of the sadder things in life. I know this is exasperated about five times by my hormones now it is coming up to that time of the month but have in general been feeling more low in general, questioning the meaning of life/purpose etc. when I should be enjoying my lovely family life as it is. Anyone else feel like this sometimes/have any comment to make?