Been told to "Suck it up"

[mumwhatnothing]

Hi everyone
I have been in a depressive state for a couple of weeks. Last weekend it was really bad (for me) and had to take time off work.

My DH has recently joined the airforce and has been away for 4 months and will be away for up to 1 year more. We are trying to decide whether the children and I move to be with him. I am in Queensland and he is in Victoria..... a bloody long way away. We have two children DS age 15 and DD age 4.
If we move, DD will see Daddy....she is not sleeping and is aggressive, out of character. DS will have to start year 11 of school in a new state and all that implies.

I told my parents in Exeter via skype today about my depression and how last week I was in a dreadful state. I couldn't even talk without stuttering and DS took over care of DD for 2 days. He is a bloody angel. I told parents about DH and I thinking we may have to move for my sanity and the total health of our family.

They said it was not an option and I should suck it up and put DS first. They wanted to know what was getting to me. Everything and nothing was my reply. I tried to explain that it isn't a one trigger response. That it isn't about one thing going wrong.... it could all be going perfectly right...win the lotto etc and it could still hit me out of the blue.

They already have one daughter try to kill herself...she is living back home with them and doing ok...on meds etc.

But because I no longer take meds (when I did, they thought that was it all better now) they think my depression is not real and I'm just lazy and selfish.

I want to cry.

I know some people on here will say to put DS first and I'm not saying you are wrong but in the end is a mother who has suicidal thoughts and may even one day act on them a good way to live??

I have only been in Australia 3 years and have some friends but not ones that pop over anytime and know you inside out. I need my husband.

Just go with your own feelings and those of your dh...it's your life and you are allowed to make choices..Have you mentioned it to ds and what is his response ? .. because if he is nearly 16 he may make his own choices possibly
Hope you feel better soon

HI. Thanks for replying. Ultimately, we will make the choice, whatever it is. DS doesn't want to move....again....but he understands why. He will be in school until he is 18 over here. TBH he isn't great at school and as cruel and unmotherly as it sounds, he isn't going to hugely improve if we stay here. He makes friends relatively easily, albeit just 1 or 2 good friends and he plays online with them a lot anyway.

I needed to rant about my parents inability to see that I have been in distress.

Hi, where you live is your choice ultimately and not your parents.

As an aside would you consider medication to help you with depression, or is it being apart from your dh that is more the issue ( as moving can solve that). Medication and counselling can help alongside having support of your dh. Do you get any support from the armed services to help you?

Hi
A big part of how I'm feeling is the overwhelming situation. I never believed he would really join up, though I am immensely proud of him. It was a rush and he left very quickly. We had very little money, I work full time and suddenly had to ensure I kicked all the customers out of my shop(which is hard to do) dead on time so I could race to Daycare to get my DD. She has almost no family time as she gets fed and straight to bed once home. He can offer no real assistance emotionally and can only phone for about 10 minutes. I have almost no friends and absolutely no family here. Defence can send someone out to assess me but I don't need that really.
Money has cleared up and I have managed to wangle every Monday off to spend with DD. So no one understands why I have had such a bad episode. It is the first bad one in years. I can only attribute it to the acute loneliness and isolation I feel.
I will eventually get to the GP.
I am angry at my parents for telling me to suck it up.... I will now obsess over that little phrase and my inability to do that for years. They do not understand the impact of what they say.

Dear mumwhat much love to you, I think your managing well in a tough situation. DH's new job, lonliness, away from family.

I think you should do whats best for you, mainly, I really think you should see the GP asap, as it sounds like your situation is putting you under a lot of stress. As you know, if you are subject to depression, these life events can sometimes mean you can get ill again, and need a bit of medication and/or talking therapy to get you through this time.

I have moved children round the country at various stages of education, and, yes, it is disruptive, but as long as they have you, and DH, it all pans out in the end. Who knows, maybe a move would be good for DS, he sounds like a nice bloke helping you out with DD.

I do wish you all the best Trust your gut instincts, do what feels right, don't worry about getting your parents approval, you are a grown up now

firstly, episodes hit when they like.... often when you've been coping and juggling for so long. I'm currently on meds for depression, most people don't understand depression unless they've been there. Secondly I can approach this as an army kid who's longest stay in any place was 2.5 years, until Dad left the army and returned to UK where I felt like more of a foreigner than I had overseas. In my opinion, kids adjust, at any age. Sounds like your DD would like her daddy back in her life, DS has technology at his disposal, something I'd have loved as a kid. finally hoochy has the key answer, you don't need your parents approval, notify them of the change of address.