Is this depression, mid life crisis or something else?

[dimsum123]

I feel so down and unhappy. No enthusiasm for anything, no interest in anything. Am a SAHM not through choice and am bored out of my brains, both DC's at primary school, I have literally nothing to do all day every day except housework.

No real friends in the area, lots of aquaintances. Family live far away, although we moved here to get away from them as they were toxic and abusive. Was NC with family for 8 years ie the length of time we've lived here. Have recently got back in contact and things are going well, especially with my siblings.

I would like to move to be nearer my siblings but DH won't consider it as it would mean we would also end up near my parents again and he can't stand them. Ideally I don't want to be too near my parents but would be willing to move to be nearer my sisters.

Obviously we can't move unless DH agrees so I feel trapped where we are.

I am trying to gain some new skills so I can go back to work, but it feels like I have a mountain to climb, I have been out of the workplace for 11 years. I used to be a professional working in the City.

I feel useless compared to other mums who manage to work and have a family, like I'm on the scrap heap at the age of 44.

I had an abusive childhood and was on AD's for about 3 years since having a breakdown but have come off them recently as I felt they were making me feel very flat and numb and spaced out. I really don't to go back on AD's, even a different sort. I don't think they are the solution. I need to sort out the underlying issues ie no job/career, no friends, wanting to move closer to family but DH refusing to consider it.

I think my main problem is that I am extremely bored with my life but don't seem to be interested in anything to alleviate the boredom. Can't get excited about anything or feel enthusiastic about anything. I felt like this whilst on AD's so really don't think they are going to be the answer for me this time.

I suspect its a mixture of all the above, in answer to the question in your op. I am in a similar position witha v stale professional qualification, i do work part time but with no long term job security, and I can empathise with the daunting prospect of job hunting in current economic situation. Tbh i can see why your husband is wary of a move nearer your sibs if he has seen you go through a breakdown due to your family. If you feel ads wont help then possibly baby steps re better diet and exercise if that is an issue, and doing some study and or voluntary work, even if not in your field to at least get back more of a post children identity

TheVioletHour, thank you so much for replying and taking me seriously. DH just seems very dismissive of how I feel.

I am doing a college course, 1 day a week, to give me some up to date office skills. I did try a bit of volunteering but the position didn't really work out and was just as boring as being at home. All the employees had been there for years and I felt very much like an outsider. But I might look into other voluntary roles that might work out better.

The only think I enjoy at the moment is my college course and I will definately be enrolling on another one in September.

Yes DH is wary about moving back to be closer to my family because of the break down I suffered, but it is also party because he hates change and moving house was never a part of our plan. So for me to suddenly throw it into the mix is something he can't cope with it. He cannot handle sudden changes of plan etc.

I do eat fairly healthily but could probably do more exercise, but again I find most types of exercise very boring. I like swimming but the pools around here are not very nice, ie dirty changing rooms etc and the nicer ones are too far away/expensive.

I just feel I have achieved very little in life and seem to have no goals/direction for the future.

DH is doing really well in his career, has a good social life with work colleagues/other friends he can meet in London after work. We seem to be living parallel lives, he's happy with his life, I hate mine, and yet we are married and live in the same house with the DC's.

Hi, to answer your question of you can focus on meaningful things to fill your day things may improve how you are and make the thought of being near your siblings less important? Can invite siblings to visit or go there?

More college courses or part-time work, even if not at the career you once had may help? Volunteer work at a charity or place that would interest you and agree much is about the people.

I found staying at home not helpful, jealous of dh having other interests and found applying for a part-time job ( again not at the level I used to work) really helped. Then if you have own income can join a gym with nice clean pool!!

Can you meet up with old friends? Are you isolated where you live. Is it a City v. small town issue that has sapped your energy?

I sympathise with the career ending up on the permanent backburner issue too, but thats the way it often goes for women, try and value your own role in your family more, while thinking through what other than a move nearer your sibs would help.