Helpless

[justwantafriend]

Sometimes I wish I could be normal like everyone else. I hate how my mental issues have been affecting my life making the lives of loved ones around me miserable.

When I'm small I didn't exactly have a happy childhood. I've never actually had a normal childhood as I've been isolated from the rest of the world by my parents. I've always had to do exactly what my parents expects of me.

The isolation took it's toll on my social skills. This had made me a constant victim of bullying. Worse was when I was in high school. There are some memories I tried to wipe out constantly but has left a deep mental scar.

I've always lived and awkward life but now in my mid 30s I would think I've somehow made something for myself. I've got a stable job, a very loving and understanding wife and 3 lovely kids.

However I don't have any friends. I do have one which occasionally (2-3 times a year) joins me for a drink or two. I've never really got close to anyone at work - had a particularly bad experience where I was betrayed by a so called "friend" at work which cost me my job. Since then I'd never really got close to anyone.

I have my good days but I also have my bad days. Bad days are really bad as I don't have anyone to turn to, no one to talk to. I try to talk to the missus when I can but there's only so much she can do. She has her hands full raising our children and I just don't want to burden her anymore.

Going through a tough period at work where I seem to be a constant target for this manager who is out to make my working life horrible. I try my best to think positive, I try to block out the negatives but it's really taking a toll on my both physically and mentally.

I feel guilty towards my family as I am down most of the time and not enjoying family life with them and making them happy... however it's very hard for me as I am lost.

It feels that no one around me wants to listen, no one cares. Sometimes I feel so alone. I guess that is probably why I'm posting this.

I'm not even sure if anyone bothers to read it all but if you did I want to say thank you. I want to feel better, I don't want to be like this but I just don't know what else I can do...

I read it, I'm listening even if I can't help.

Have you seen your gp about how you are feeling?

Oh gosh. Here's a big cuddle. I'm not going to be much help as have little understanding of horrific childhoods and depression. But I do good cuddles. Someone will be along soon with some useful advice. I do suggest a visit to the doctor though - you need to talk to someone. Your family sound lovely. I know you don't want to burden your wife - but I assume she knows how you're feeling...

I'm seeing my GP but I'm not on ADs for now. I've been on and off so many different types of ADs over the years but they seem to do more harm then good. I also have adult ADD and am on meds for that. It does help me managing the career bit better.

I always try to console myself when I can but there's just so much I can do on my own. I've cut down on alcohol massively and started exercising which does lift the mood a little but when still get periods of lows.

I've always wanted to get some form of counselling and have tried NHS channels but haven't got anywhere.

I'm thinking of trying to get involved in some local charity work. Perhaps keeping myself occupied and meeting people will help? However being socially awkward I'm not even sure if I can do it!

The wife has indeed been VERY supportive and understanding with me. She knows when I'm down and tend to give me breathing space. I feel so guilty inside and really want to get out of the this horrible cycle ...

It's hard to talk about depression to other people who do not suffer from it... It seems that my circle of friends are only around for the happy times.

Apologies for blabbering on... have a tough week ahead and I thought the 2 hours at gym would make me tired but seems I'm wrong...

I've been told to man the f up recently, I wish it's that easy... I really do!

Never apologise for chatting!

Who on earth told you to man up?! Tell them to fuck off

Your GP can refer you for counselling although their may be a waiting list.
They may also be able to recommend groups in your area for people who are in similar situations.

The gym is good and cutting down on booze is fab! Do you sleep well?

Please do try and get some psychotherapy, it will do you a world of good and help you build social skills. Volunteering is also an excellent idea, it really helped me overcome depression.

Thanks all. I'm bit cautious approaching GP with depression as they seem to be very keen to prescribe ADs. I don't like the feeling when I'm on meds -maybe I'm just unlucky not to have found the right med.

I will try to ask for counselling, best I've got was 2-3 sessions of CBT. I am keen to progress but was told there's nothing else they can do for me.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? If several types of ad's didn't work for you then you're past the point where a gp can help.